Thank you Andy for sending this, a resignation speech by George W. Bush. Let me just write that again.. ahem... A RESIGNATION speech from George W. Bush. Ahh. Is that as fun to read as it is to type? This email is a variation of an older entry, only with a nice intro and illustrative pictures of our chief executive. I must say, his speeches are much more impressive without actually hearing the delivery.

---begin forward---

The following "speech" was written recently by an ordinary resident of the People's Republic of Maine. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is by a person who does not write for a living.
The speech George W. Bush might give:

Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans."

Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who

more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has

happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.

I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a

lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution

or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or

impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.

I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really

going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great

nation of ours. And the majority of you are too blasted lazy to

do your homework and figure it out.

Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians

and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think

the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers

of homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY

homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point

out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our

unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton

administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it

doesn't seem to have sunk in.

Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market

has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever

are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do

is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too darn stupid

to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased

demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful

of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront

property than your economic security.

We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for

oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already

seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell.

And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' mess either.

If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had

chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'

Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam

had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime

change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office.

Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you didn't

know that, did you? Now you morons are considering another and

more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that one!! She wants

to take your kids away and let the "Whole Village" raise them!

i.e. governmental indoctrination..... Look this one up you dummies!

You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy.

Back during the cold war, there were two major competing

political and economic models squaring off. We won that war,

but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted

to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend

and out-tech them.

That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new

enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die.

That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to

taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are.

They want to kill you, and the rascals are all over the globe.

You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us

here in the United States since September 11. But you're not.

That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of

intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security

people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess

started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight.

I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult

fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing

things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do.

You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.

Making matters worse, you actively support those who help

the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every

time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political

campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade

launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's

all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New

York Times USA Today or on NBC News. But even if it

were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would

rather watch American Idol.

I could say more about your expectations that the government

will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to

leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government,

not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've

come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over

your heads.

So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient

house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to

be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford

before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much

no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to

die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi

is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does

carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are

just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this

thing around in 2008.

So that's it. God bless what's left of America.

Some of you know what I mean.

The rest of you, kiss off.


Brad O'Farrell said...

"Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too darn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security."

Ahahaha classic.

Anonymous said...


Alright, God, I know I've said I've stopped believing in you. Here's your chance to win me back:

If Bush does, in fact, resign, of his own free will, and take Cheney with him, I will return to the flock. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!

merlallen said...

could it be that brad is too stupid to notice that oil companies have been posting record profits each quarter since bush took office?

Anonymous said...

Just a few days ago I was talking to a friend about the die-hards. The Bush supporters who are still around and then I see something like this. So thats how they do it, its amazing. The sheer detachment from reality, I would feel sorry for them if it weren't so terrifying that people could be so off and still functioning with the rest of us.

Anonymous said...

What's that song from the play "Annie"?

"Denial, denial, I love you, denial..."

Moron right-wing fringe loonies born without brains. I might have some pity for them, if they weren't such assholes.

Anonymous said...

All of you are idiots!! Your problem is that your naive love affair with utopian platitudes and superficial, short-sighted liberal philosophy blinds you from critical thinking. What part of the speach is not true?

Anonymous said...

What part of the speech is not true?

How about the part where "Bush" says that he "owned up" to his Iraq mistake? Furthest thing from the truth.

Flying Brick said...

Re: High Oil Prices; The one HUGE part left out is this: The Fed monetizes our debt causing a drastic decline on the value of the dollar and guess what?! Dollar-based barrels of oil skyrocket! The Federal Reserve Bank should be shut down.

Anonymous said...

Most of you are morons. Do your homework. And don't use the New York times as your research tool. Study the facts about the war, about the fuel prices, about the economy. I ve heard some people compare Bush2 to Carter saying carter was a better president. Crazy. Some of you people obviously were too stoned in high school history class. The president is in a simplified way a congresional scapegoat. Congress looked at the prewar intelligance, oh yeah obama wasn't in the capitol then so he has no idea. Almost every nation in the world had intellegance similar to ours. So your saying that Bush managed to spin say the Frenches intel, or the soviets. Isn't it funny how again history shows us that nations that choose to ignore intel such as that end up being occupied. Does thetermHitler mean anything to you? HE was this really nasty guy that wanted to create the perfect race. Destroy the Jews. Who does that sound like? Hmm maybe this guy Saddam, you know the guy who killed 100's of thousands of kurds or shiites. The same guy who invaded Kuwait?

Anonymous said...

Somebody call the aslyum, it looks like another 28% has escaped. Its ok Anon, it will all be over soon, these nice men are going to take you home, where pesky things like "logic" and "reality" won't bother you anymore.

Anonymous said...

Nice come back crash! You managed to insult him without making any point at all. In other words...what's your point? What do you disagree with? Hurling insults just shows how small minded you really are. I have many friends on the left...most can at least come up with a point to debate. Try harder next time.

SJT said...

@ Anon

Seems to me Crash made a pretty clear point: Anon #1 is clearly a Bush apologist who refuses to acknowledge that the rational for war was flawed and that the war was a bad idea. Anyone who still believes that this war was a good idea clearly is divorced from reality, and no amount of sane debating is going to change their mind. ranting that Saddam is Hitler doesn't make it so, it just reveals a desperation to justify one of the worst foreign policy decisions in American history.

As for "insults", check the posts. Anon #1 is full of insults.
Crash was fairly restrained in comparison.

Anonymous said...

Bravo. Very well done. The sincere intentions and strength of W's leadership will be very clear in years to come. For now, it deeply saddens me that greed, power and selfishness is the winning combination for our next highest ranking public servant. God bless John McCain! He is the only one tough enough to hang in there against this media magic show. Keeping the faith...

Anonymous said...

Sorry but the so-called "intel" in other countries - whether France or Russia - was NOT that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. If you do more research, you can locate info on how Italy knew that the US was lying about it, and check out info from Great Britain as well. Although Cherie Blair is all for justifying her hubby's decision to support Bush and make a mad dash into war, it still doesn't mean that they didn't know it was all based on false facts.

Why else did Karl Rove "out" Valerie Plame? B/c her husband told the truth about the lack of yellow-cake from Niger.

It's easy to say that all liberals do is read the NYT, but most of read a lot more than that. My rightwing family berates me for the same stuff, but in the end, I discover that their sources are mainly Lush Rimjob and the Drudge Report (which went nuts about that white woman who carved a backwards "B" on her face and very falsely claimed that Obama supporters attacked her bc she supported McCain. Ole drudgie had his red siren a-whooopin on that "gem").

As often as not, I usually discover that most of the right wing people I know do very little in terms of real research and reading info from across a broad spectrum.

The 22% who still support Bush's "decision" to go to war in Iraq are deluded in the extreme, and it's too bad. Our country has wasted billions on this doomed enterprise. Over 4000 of our good citizens have lost their lives in a lost cause. Many thousand more are maimed for life, not to mention well over 100,000 Iraqi's dead. And for what? So that Darth Cheney and the Bush Crime family could get obscenely rich through shonky Halliburton contracts (who, btw, did a lousy job).

PUH-leeze. So sick of this nonsense but thankfully that drunken bum is gone from the public stage. Too bad the stench will remain for a long time to come...

M. Ray Crabbinson said...

"This is not a professional writer"

No kidding.

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