Subject: Southern Rules
This is absolutely priceless....and SOOOOOO true!!!! lol
The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up.. You look like an
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a
"gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south.. Pick
5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We
have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks
6. So every person in the south waves. It's
called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves
are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really
want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of
deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of age.
11. We say "sir and ma'am",
"please and thank you", "excuse me and
I'm sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do
not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak.
It's just good up-bringing.
12. No, there's no "vegetarian
special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
13. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices:
salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care
what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
14. You bring "coke" into my house, it
better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring
"Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,
know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. College and High School Football is as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the
water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and
aggravates the alligators.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have
State Universities , Universities,
and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody
when they come for the holidays.
18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we
think slow. You may be in for a
19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force,
and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will
get whipped by the best.
20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump stuff ain't music, anyway. We don't
want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!
A true southerner will send this to at least 10