FW: This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing


I'm a relative newcomer to your site. I got this "joke" forwarded to me from a right-wing cousin and couldn't resist sending it in." - Leslie

-----------------Begin Forwarded Message-----------------------
Subject: This was nominated for best joke of the year - worth sharing

Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,

"Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me


food stamps, free medical care, and free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby.

" Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !"

The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,

shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful America!"

That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East ,

I am not American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Africa !"

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The African lady checks her watch and says..."Probably at work."

Letter to my niece, A post from Roy, a MYWD reader

clipped from mail.google.com
My niece recently sent me that POS "It is the veteran (I've also seen
it as soldier) giving us rights" chain letters, complete with waving flags, flag
draped coffins ect. I replied to her: As a vet, your uncle, and a grandpa
, I am replying to the e-mail you forwarded with the best of intentions. While the thoughts contained in the e-mail might make people feel good, it is extremely inaccurate, even fundamentally un-American, and simply reinforces a very inaccurate destructive meme.
Let's focus on taking care of the vets, not using them as pawns in jingoistic myth building propaganda.
In the oath they take when being inducted into any branch of the service,
young men or women who will become veterans promise to
"support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
"It is their DUTY to DEFEND the CONSTITUTION, not the flag. Remember, only one other country has had a "Pledge to the Flag."

It is a shame and a disgrace that the 'war president' is allowed to dishonor the 3900+ dead by secretly returning their flag draped coffins to American soil in the dead of night. God forbid the American public see some of the results of his illegal and immoral war. I find it disgusting that he has not attended a single funeral of a troop who has lost their life in his illegal and immoral war.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION,, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION, , not the poet, who has given us freedom
of speech.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION, , not the campus organizer, who has
given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION, , not the lawyer, who has given us the
right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN CONSTITUTION, not the politician, Who has given us the right to vote.

blog it

uh oh.. Found this.

FFW: New Bumper Sticker

Say Jeff, isn't that a strange illustration of Hillary? Has her face widened that much over the last decade?
----begin forwarded message----

Fw: Senators vote on English

The argument is clear, these senators have damaged America's morale during wartime and rightfully should be hanged.. Thanks Harry for this treat.
---Begin Forward----
33 Senators Voted Against English as America 's Official Language June 6, 2007

On Wed, 6 Jun 2007 23:35:23 -0500, "Colonel Harry Riley USA ret" wrote:


Your vote against an amendment to the Immigration Bill 1348, to make English America's offical language is astounding. On D-Day no less when we honor those that sacrificed in order to secure the bedrock character and principles of America . I can only surmise your vote reflects a loyalty to illegal aliens.

I don't much care where you come from, what your religion is, whether you're black, white or some other color, male or female, democrat, republican or independent, but I do care when you're a United States Senator, representing citizens of America and vote against English as the official language of the United States

Your vote reflects betrayal, political surrender, violates your pledge of allegiance, dishonors historical principle, rejects patriotism, borders on traitorous action and, in my opinion, makes you unfit to serve as a United States Senator... impeachment, recall, or other appropriate action is warrented.

Worse, 4 of you voting against English as America 's official language are presidential candidates: Senator Biden, Senator Clinton, Senator Dodd, and Senator Obama.

Those 4 Senators vying to lead America but won't or don't have the courage to cast a vote in favor of English as America's official language when 91% of American citizens want English officially designated as our language.

This is the second time in the last several months this list of Senators have disgraced themselves as political hacks... unworthy as Senators and certainly unqualifed to serve as President of the United States.

If America is as angry as I am, you will realize a back-lash so stunning it will literally rock you out of your panties... and preferably, totally out of the United States Senate.

The entire immigration bill is a farce... your action only confirms this really isn't about America ; it's about self-serving politics... despicable at best.
"Never argue with an idiot; they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." ~ anonymous
The following senators voted against making English the official language of America :

Akaka (D-HI)
Bayh (D-IN)
Biden (D-DE) Wants to be President?
Bingaman (D-NM)
Boxer (D-CA)
Cantwell (D-WA)
Clinton (D-NY) Wants to be President?
Dayton (D-MN)
Dodd (D-CT) Wants to be President?
Domenici (R-NM) Coward, protecting his Senate seat...
Durbin (D-IL)
Feingold (D-WI) Not unusual for him
Feinstein (D-CA)
Harkin (D-IA)
Inouye (D-HI)
Jeffords (I-VT)
Kennedy (D-MA)
Kerry (D-MA) Wanted to be President
Kohl (D-WI)
Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Leahy (D-VT)
Levin (D-MI)
Lieberman (D-CT) Disappointment here.....
Menendez (D-NJ)
Mikulski (D-MD)
Murray (D-WA)
Obama (D-IL) Wants to be President?
Reed (D-RI)
Reid (D-NV) Senate Majority Leader
Salazar (D-CO)
Sarbanes (D-MD)
Schumer (D-NY)
Stabenow (D-M)
"Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage morale, and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged."
~ President Abraham Lincoln " Amen "

Please forward to as many people as you know. WE NEED THIS INFORMATION PASSED ON TO EVERY RED-BLOODED AMERICAN!!!!!!


"Hi there,
... I really am trying to develop more of a sense of humor about these glurgey, lie-filled products of unbelievable ignorance instead of getting pissed off about them, but it's not easy. Not when I start thinking about how many out there just trustingly swallow every scrap of this garbage, find it tasty, and beg for more!

Anyway, your site (almost) makes me wish I hadn't told a couple of friends of mine who were forwarding this junk to stop! I've gotten some that would have been great to share.

One of the guilty ones, sadly, is a registered Democrat and yet was honestly puzzled when I pointed out how conservative most of the "forwards" she sent me were, and how full of lies some of them, and said, "well, I didn't know. I'm not really political". Meaning, I think, that she doesn't want to "play politics" which is understandable, but how can you not really know what your own values are or be aware of where they fall on the political spectrum? After all, in this day and age in the US, unfortunately, we're all being forced to be "political" since just about everything's being turned into a political issue.

The other friend is someone I hadn't been in contact with since high school and we happened to meet up again and exchanged email addresses. If she ever was as religious and conservative in high school as she is now, I don't remember it. Though to be fair, I guess she had no way of knowing I was such an agnostic liberal now, either!

It was she who sent the following (which I just grabbed off Snopes.com; they have a lot of the nauseating "inspirational" stuff in the vein of that "When I Whine" poem on there, as well). This was the email that made me put my foot down and say "enough!" "


Madalyn Murry O'Hair, an atheist, whose effort successfully eliminated the use of the Bible Reading and Prayer from public schools fifteen years ago has now been granted a Federal hearing in Washington, D.C. on the same subject by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). Her petition, P.M. 2493, would ultimately pave the way to stop the reading of the Gospel on the air waves of America and all use of the word "God". She took her petition with 287,000 signatures to back her stand. If her attempt is successful, all Sunday worship services being broadcast, either by radio, or television will stop. Many elderly people and shut-ins as well as those recuperating from hospitalization or illness, depend on radio and television to fulfill their worship needs every week. CBS will be forced to discontinue "Touched By An Angel" for using the word "God" in every program. If things got bad when prayer was taken from school, think of how it will get with no shows like 'Touched by an Angel'.

Madalyn is also campaigning to REMOVE ALL CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS, CHRISTMAS SONGS, AND CHRISTMAS CAROLS from public schools.

You as a Christian can help! We are praying for at least 1 million signatures. This would defeat their effort and show that there are many Christians alive, well and concerned about our country. As Christians we must unite on this. Please don't take this lightly. We ignored this once and lost prayer in our school and in offices across the nation. Please stand up for your religious freedom and let your voice be heard, while creating an opportunity for the lost to know the Lord.

Please send this letter out to anyone that can help in the cause. Please do this, it will only cost you a stamp. PLEASE! Your right to freedom of religion is being tampered with.

Federal Communications Commission
1919 "H" Street
Washington, D.C. 20054


I am an American and proud of my heritage. I am also very much aware of the place religious faith has played in the freedom we as Americans now enjoy. Therefore, I protest any human effort to remove from radio and television any programs designed to show faith in GOD or a SUPREME BEING or to remove CHRISTMAS SONGS, CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS, AND CHRISTMAS CAROLS from Public Air Waves, Schools, or Office Buildings.





I like how nobody bothered to update the "15 years ago" of the original scaremongering petition when this made it onto the internet (or someone didn't bother to check the facts, imagine that!) as it was in 1963 that Ms. O'Hair petitioned to keep prayer out of schools. There never was any "petition 2493" by Ms. O'Hair, as the FCC keeps trying in vain to tell these boneheads, and even were Ms. O'Hair running such a campaign, at this point she'd have to be doing it from beyond the grave--she's been dead since 1995! The usual tactics of manipulation via emotional hysteria and fear strike again.

-----End of Forward-----
"Just one more observation and then I'll shut up. Isn't just typical Christian Right arrogance to phrase "God Bless America" just that way? Because it's not actually a prayer, is it? A prayer is supposed to be humble supplication. "God Bless America" is a statement in the form of a command. They forgot the magic word--"Please"!



Is Madalyn Murray O'Hair still a menacing threat to the American Way of Life? And the letter is addressed to men and men alone.. God Bless the FCC Patriarch.
Your friends remind me of an ex story. A few years ago, I had a girlfriend who could never identify herself politically (I know!), needless to say life were a little rough around Nov '04 and we ended up going our separate ways (for many other reasons too). Her, uh, Utahn right-wing family had managed to combine their love for her and their right wing "family first" ideology as kinda the same thing.

How many other Americans vote their family line rather than how they personally feel on the issue?
Thank you for mentioning the magic word. I couldn't agree more.


FW: Union Rules

Tip 'o The Hat to Jeff for this poignant commentary on Union By-Laws.
clipped from mail.google.com

A dedicated union worker
was attending a convention in Reno and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $70 and the girls get $30," she answered

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street
in search of a unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached
a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union

We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $70 and the house gets $30."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly
attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured
to an 87-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years
seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

blog it

FW: Please forward this to your Democrat voting children

" A fwd from my own right wing dad #6" -Erin
Man alive..Thanks Erin for the slew of forwards!

---------- Forwarded message ----------

>Subject: Fw: Fw: 4th of July in California Assembly
>Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2006 23:15:15 -0400
>Very good article....take the time to read.... Judy
>----- Original Message -----
>Sent: Friday, July 14, 2006 9:56 PM
>Subject: Fwd: Fw: 4th of July in California Assembly
> I verified this as true on www.snopes.com How sad!
>From John Campbell,
>California Republican Assemblyman
>4th of July: In each of the 4 years that I have been a member of the state
>Assembly, we have had many "celebrations" on the Assembly floor. These
>"celebrations" are orchestrated by the Democrats who control the House and
>often involve singing and dancing. Every one of my 4 years have seen
>substantial celebrations of Cinco de Mayo (which Commemorates the Mexican
>victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla ), St. Patrick's Day (for
>the patron Saint of Ireland), and Chinese New Year's Day, among others.
>But never once have we celebrated America's Independence Day, the 4th of
>So, this year, Republican Assemblyman Jay LaSuer of San Diego arranged for
>Vietnam war hero Admiral Jeremiah Denton to come to California to be a part
>of a 4th of July ceremony. As you may know, Admiral Denton was a Navy
>pilot in Vietnam who was shot down and spent 8 years in a Vietnamese
>prison. In 1966 while in prison, he was interviewed by North Vietnamese
>television in Hanoi after torture to get him to "respond properly." During
>this interview, he blinked his eyes in Morse code to spell out the word
>"torture." He was asked about his support for the war inVietnam to which
>he replied "I don't know what is happening now in Vietnam, because the only
>news sources I have are Vietnamese. But whatever the position of my
>government is, I believe in it, I support it, and I will support it as long
>as I live." Four of his 8 years in prison were spent in solitary
>confinement. He later wrote the book "When Hell was in Session"
>chronicling his experience in Vietnam.
>When he stepped off the plane after being released from prison in 1973, he
>said "We are honored to have had the opportunity to serve our country in
>difficult circumstances. We are profoundly grateful to our
>Commander-in-Chief for this day. God bless America." He was later elected
>to the U.S. Senate from his home state of Alabama, becoming the first
>retired Admiral ever elected to that body. I could go on and on about his
>Suffice it to say, Jeremiah Denton is unquestionably an American hero.
>The Democrat leadership refused to allow him on the Assembly floor, and
>there was no 4th of July celebration. A memo from the Democrat speaker's
>office said "problems have arisen both with regards to the spirit, content,
>and participation of various individuals with regard to the ceremony."
>Apparently, they said that he did not believe in the "separation of church
>and state" and they didn't like the policies he supported as a United
>States Senator and therefore they would not allow him to be on the Assembly
>floor or to speak.
>Upon hearing about this, Governor Schwarzenegger offered his meeting room
>for a ceremony with Admiral Denton. The room was overflowing with people.
>Only one elected Democrat was in attendance. A number of veterans of the
>last 4 wars were present. Admiral Denton gave a very moving speech about
>the 4th of July and about the undeniable commitment of our founding
>fathers' to their faith in God. He talked about how the war on terrorism
>may be the most difficult war we have yet fought. And he went on to say
>that he fears that partisan attacks on our mission and our troops in Iraq
>and Afghanistan sound too familiar to what he experienced in Vietnam.
>Following his speech, The Governor came out to personally spend time with
>Then this American hero, whose debt from us all can never be repaid, flew
>home to Alabama.
>The Assembly did meet on that day. And we did have a ceremony that lasted
>nearly 20 minutes. That ceremony was to celebrate the career of a reporter
>from the LA Times on the occasion of his retirement. Democrats universally
>praised him as being "balanced." He was allowed to speak for about 10
>minutes. Admiral Denton was no longer in the building.
>Four years of Cinco De Mayo and not one recognition of the 4th of July. An
>LA Times reporter praised, and the very person whose sacrifice allows him
>to express his opinion is banned. It is perverse. It is wrong. And it is
>disrespectful to all the men and women in uniform who have stared death in
>the face and to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for the American
>Admiral Jeremiah Denton is a hero not because he was politician, but like
>all the other men and women of the Armed Forces, because he defended the
>ideals set forth with America's independence.
>Democrats are always railing about intolerance and discrimination. But yet
>in practice, it is they who engage in regular state-sanctioned
>discrimination and who are intolerant of the presentation of other views.
>Maybe they are worried that people will listen.
>I do not send you this to bash Democrats. I send you this to demonstrate
>the huge chasm that exists between registered, voting Democrats, and
>elected Democrat leadership. I hope those of you who are not Democrats,
>will send this to your friends who are. If you are a Democrat, don't be
>ashamed. Be angry. Straighten out your party and your leadership, or
>leave it.
>Fortunately, we do not need the approval of the Speaker of the Assembly to
>celebrate our nation's independence. Nor do we need his permission to
>thank those who fought to give us and to maintain our freedoms. On the 4th
>of July, as the burgers cook and the fireworks fly, let us always
>remember......and give thanks.
>As a final offering, I give you a poem that Admiral Denton read to us,
>through eyes clouded with tears:
>"It is the soldier, not the reporter,
> Who has given us freedom of the press.
> It is the soldier, not the poet,
> Who has given us freedom of speech.
> It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
> Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
> It is the soldier, Who salutes the flag,
> Who serves beneath the flag,
> And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
> Who allows the protester to burn the flag."
>Amen. God bless America.
>Until next time, I remain,
>Assemblyman John Campbell

Fwd: Appeal for Indictment of John Kerry Completed

Ahhh, so this is what turned voters to Bush in '04... Thanks to Bill for unearthing this painful forward of our past.

---Begin Forwarded Message---

Note: forwarded message attached.
From: The Federalist Patriot <mailer@federalist.com>
To: xxxxxx
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2004 16:00:10 -0400
Subject: Appeal for Indictment of John Kerry Completed

DATE: 12 October 2004

CAMPAIGN UPDATE: The Petition for Indictment of John Kerry reached its
target of 150,000 signatures in September. (This petition for
indictment will remain online for informational purposes
[see http://patriotpetitions.us/], and will accept additional
signatures, which we will report each quarter after the petition for
indictment is filed.)

Dear Fellow Patriot,

The petition for indictment of John Kerry, for "giving aid and comfort
to the enemy," and, thus, to disqualify him for national office, has
reached its goal of more than 150,000 signatures. On Monday, 18
October, the petition will be delivered by registered courier to Vice
President Richard Cheney (in his capacity as Senate President), Senate
Majority Leader Bill Frist and Attorney General John Ashcroft today.

Though John Kerry has an extensive and well-documented record of anti-
American activities over the past three decades [see "John Kerry: More
aid and comfort..." at http://FederalistPatriot.US/alexander/], it is
his acts of treason in 1970-71 that are the subject of this petition
for indictment. Our appeal notes both Kerry's violations of the UCMJ
(Article 104 part 904) and U.S. Code (18 USC Sec. 2381 and 18 USC Sec.
953), and calls for his disqualification for public office in
accordance with the Constitution's Fourteenth Amendment, Section 3,
which states: "No person shall be a Senator or Representative in
Congress, or elector of President and Vice- President ... having
previously taken an oath ... to support the Constitution of the United
States, [who has] engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the
same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof."

Why prosecute John Kerry now?

In October 2003, Mr. Kerry chose to make his Vietnam war record the
centerpiece of his campaign for the presidency; this has been
especially true since his primary victory in March 2004 [see "Kerry's
Quagmire..." http://FederalistPatriot.US/alexander/]. In response,
more than 165,000 signatories of the above-referenced petition for
indictment have made his war record the centerpiece of their campaign
to disqualify Kerry from public office.

We understand that no action is likely to be taken on this petition
until after the 02 November election. Be it known, however, that on 03
November, we will seek full recourse in an effort to have John Kerry
prosecuted for acts of treason and disqualified from any future
campaign for any national office. We are thus committed to holding Mr.
Kerry accountable for his actions, as there is no statute of
limitations for acts of treason.

Thank you for taking the time to sign this petition for indictment.
Rest assured that your voice will be heard.

Semper Vigilo, Paratus, et Fidelis!

Mark Alexander Publisher, The Federalist Patriot


PRIVACY POLICY: Patriot Petitions is not a commercial site and does NOT release
any identifiable information on our petitioners to any third party under any
circumstances, nor do we accept any third party advertising to our lists.

To be removed from the Patriot Petitions mailing list,
Link to -- http://PatriotPetitions.US/unsub.asp


>Historical Fact :
> > >

> > > I thought you would enjoy this little blurb of nonfiction:
> > >
> > > Many will recall that on July 8, 1947 witnesses claimed >that an
> > > unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a
sheep and >cattle
> > > ranch outside Roswell , New Mexico
> > >
> > > This is a well known incident that many say has long >been covered
> > > up by the U.S. Air Force and the Federal Government.
> > >
> > > However, you may NOT know that in the month of March >1948? exactly
> > > nine months after that historic day:
> > > ? Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
> > > ? Hillary Rodham ;
> > > ? John F. Kerry;
> > > ? William Jefferson Clinton;
> > > ? Howard Dean;
> > > ? Nancy Pelosi;
> > > ? Dianne Feinstein;
> > > ? Charles E. Schumer and,
> > > ? Barbara Boxer
> > > were born.
> > >
> > > See what happens when aliens breed with sheep... This piece of
> > > information may clear up a lot of things.
> > >

Subject: How old is Grandma ?
> How old is Grandma???
> Stay with this -- the answer is at the end It will blow you away.
> One evening a grandson was talking to his grandmother about current
> The grandson asked his grandmother what she thought about the shootings
>at schools, the computer age, and just things in general.
> The Grandma replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
> ' television
> ' penicillin
> ' polio shots
> ' frozen foods
> ' Xerox
> ' contact lenses
> ' Frisbees and
> ' the pill
> There were no:
> ' credit cards
> ' laser beams or
> ' ball-point pens
> Man had not invented:
> ' pantyhose
> ' air conditioners
> ' dishwashers
> ' clothes dryers
> ' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
> ' man hadn't yet walked on the moon
> Your Grandfather and I got married first, . . . and then lived together.
> Every family had a father and a mother.
> Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir".
> And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a
>title, "Sir."
> We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare
>centers, and group therapy.
> Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and
>common sense.
> We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to
>stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
> Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a
>bigger privilege.
> We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
> Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
> Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening
>breeze started.
> Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and
>weekends-not purchasing condominiums.
> We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters,
>yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
> We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches
>on our radios.
> And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to
>Tommy Dorsey.
> If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.
> The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.
> Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.
> We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and
>10 cents.
> Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all
>a nickel.
> And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough
>stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
> You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . but who could afford one?
> Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
> In my day:
> ' "grass" was mowed,
> ' "coke" was a cold drink,
> ' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and
> ' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.
> ' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,
> ' " chip" meant a piece of wood,
> ' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and
> ' "software" wasn't even a word.
> And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a
>husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say
>there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?
> I bet you have this old lady in mind...you are in for a shock!
> Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at
>the same time.
> This Woman would be only 58 years old!

Fwd: THE REPUBLICAN FISHERMAN - open this, no virus and sooo true, mom

>A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her
>altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
>She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend
I >would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
>The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air
>balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet
above >sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude
and 100 >degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
>She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.".
>"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
>"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically >correct, but I have no idea what to do with your
information, and I'm still >lost. Frankly, you've not been much help
to me."
>The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
>"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
>"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. >You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot
air. You >made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you
expect me to >solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position
you were in before >we met, but, somehow,
>now it's my fault."

FW: Obituary Common Sense

> Subject: FW: Obituary Common Sense
> MY parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I
> would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always
> around in my early years but got less and less as time passed by. Today I
> read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance,
> for
> Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.
> Obituary Common Sense
> Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has
> been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since
> his
> birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be
> remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to
> come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't
> always
> fair, and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound
> financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting
> strategies (adults, not children are in charge).His health began to
> deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were
> set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment
> for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash
> after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only
> worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
> teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining
> their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required
> to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky
> plaster to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student
> became
> pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to
> live
> as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and
> criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took
> a
> beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home
> and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the
> will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of
> coffee "was hot" She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly
> awarded
> a huge settlement.Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth
> and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his
> son,
> Reason.
> He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to
> Blame, and I'm a Victim.
> Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you
> still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do
> nothing.
> Author unknown

Fwd: Unbelievable!

"The scary part is that my uncle thinks this could be real." -Jessie

---begin forwarded message---

Can you believe this?

WASHINGTON , DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which

will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No

Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by

advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive

necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,"

said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and

allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this

legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to

a small group of workers simply because they have some idea of what

they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi

and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.

Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing

opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of

postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single

largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against

the Inept include retail sales (72%), the fast food industry (68%), and

home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government

level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of

hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle

man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but

little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose

and performance.

Mandatory non-performance based raises and promotions will be given, to

guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The

legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote

a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle management

positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses

that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more

difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled -- banning, for example,

discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or

experience which relate to this job?"

"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who

have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her

position as a lugnut twister at a GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to

her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help

people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of

other untalented citizens will finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe

the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to

every American with No Abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to

provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her

inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation."


Documented... A forward commandeered and dipped in red:

"When I first received the message forwarded below, I checked the internet for what I knew to be the ORIGINAL of this picture. In this opening message, I am copying and pasting this article from Armchair Generalist blog from August 2005.

At the bottom of that page is found this article (and there were many others at the time) which shows the picture of Bill Moyer, age 73, wearing his BULLSHIT PROTECTOR flag for President Bush, at the VFW convention in August 2005.

The person who forwarded the below email to me is a sadly “in the middle” person who gets this stuff and sends it on frequently without checking it out. I sent him this info too and your site so he can check better in the future. Thought you might be interested in adding this to your ‘HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON” section in that the right wing crazies are now determined to apply this poor man’s protest to her instead of Bush."

24 August 2005

Not All Ears

I just had to show this picture. I guess not all the VFW guys are supporters of President "I dodged Vietnam" Bush. The caption to this article reads "Bill Moyer, 73, wears a "Bullshit Protector" flap over his ear while President George W. Bush addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars."

I love this guy. Hat tip to kos for the article.

24 August 2005 in Political | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)


-------Original Message-------

Subject: Fw: PRICELESS
Date: Sat, 20 Oct 2007 11:12:43 -0400

You've got to love our Veterans...
This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Hillary Clinton addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

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