Curator's note: This might take the prize for "Most bizarre RWFWD: in the collection."
Subject: Email me after you get this
Sorry…..I need this too!! Heck, who doesn’t!
If Gov't doesn't obey The Constitution, What's Treason?
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Showing posts with label ANGEL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ANGEL. Show all posts
Fwd: Fw: Email me after you get this
Sorry…..I need this too!! Heck, who doesn’t!
12/13/2011 07:01:00 AM | Key Words: ANGEL, CONSTITUTION | 8 Comments
FW: Heaven's Policy Change
>>
>>It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
>>the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into
>>Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The
>>policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
>>
>>So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of
Heaven.
>>The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the
>>man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was
>>going when you died."
>>
>>"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on
>>my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair.
>>But her lover was nowhere in sight.. I immediately began searching for
>>him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire
>>apartment.
>>
>>Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
>>balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips!
>>The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped
>>on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it,
>>he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't
die.
>>This ticked me off even more.
>>
>>In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get
>>my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought
>>of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the
>>balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and
crushed him!
>>
>>The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack
>>and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
>>Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion.
>>So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir.. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
>>and let him in .
>>
>>A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it
>>was Donald Trump. "Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear
>>about what your day was like when you died." Trump said, "No problem.
>>But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th
>>floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of
>>pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I
>>got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the
side!
>>
>>Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony
>>below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of
>>his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of
>>course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke
>>my fall, so I didn't die right away.
>>
>>As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in
>>excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things
>>off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me,
killing me.
>>
>>The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.
>>"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very
well,"
>>the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets
>>Trump enter.
>>
>>A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is
>>almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour
>>through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell
>>me what it was like the day you died."
>>
>>Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a
refrigerator......"
5/16/2007 12:00:00 AM | Key Words: ANGEL, BILL CLINTON, GOD | 0 Comments
FW: Do You Get The Point, Pal?
Subject: FW: Do You Get The Point, Pal?
As the holidays dim from view in our rear view mirrors, my heartfelt appreciation goes out
to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
And, I don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I won't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I don't go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I won't answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
And, I never eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program .
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day....
PS ~ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with a low IQ and insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
FW: The Pink Dress
Subject: FW: The Pink Dress
Don't let your day go on without reading this first, no matter how busy you may be!!!
The Pink Dress
There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.
Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.
Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat
And watched the people go by.
She never tried to speak.
She never said a word.
Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.
The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see
If the little girl would still be there.
Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was
Yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.
Today I was to make my own move and walk ove r to the little girl.
For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place
For young children to play alone.
As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress
It was grotesquely shaped.
I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no
Effort to speak to her.
Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if
You make a step toward assisting someone who is different.
As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to
Avoid my intent stare.
As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more
Clearly.
She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.
I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.
I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."
The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi "; after a long
Stare into my eyes.
I smiled and she shyly smiled back.
We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.
I asked the girl why she was so sad.
The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm
Different."
I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled.
The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."
"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and
Innocent."
She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and
Said,
"Really?"
"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch
Over all the people walking by."
She nodded her head yes, and smiled.
With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her
Wings to spread, then she said "I am."
"I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye.
I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.
She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself.
My job here is done"..
I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one sto p to help an
Angel?"
She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that
Could see me," and then she was gone.
And with that, my life was changed dramatically.
So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is
Always watching over you.
Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you.
Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to
Let them know you're glad they care about you.
Like the story says, we all need someone...
And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way.
The value of a friend is measured in the heart.
I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.
Pass this message to 7 people.
You will receive a miracle tomorrow.
5/04/2007 12:08:00 PM | Key Words: ANGEL |
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