Showing posts with label RED NECK. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RED NECK. Show all posts

Fwd: OMG Very Good: Redneck

Sent: Friday, September 8, 2017 12:03:19 PM

Subject: Redneck
 
Not my words, but I endorse this message:

Hundreds and hundreds of small boats pulled by countless pickups and SUVs from across the South are headed for Houston. Almost all of them driven by men. They're using their own property, sacrificing their own time, spending their own money, and risking their own lives for one reason: to help total strangers in desperate need.
Most of them are by themselves. Most are dressed like the redneck duck hunters and bass fisherman they are. Many are veterans. Most are wearing well-used gimme-hats, t-shirts, and jeans; and there's a preponderance of camo. Most are probably gun owners, and most probably voted for Trump.
These are the people the Left loves to hate, the ones Maddow mocks. The ones Maher and Olbermann just *know* they're so much better than.
These are The Quiet Ones. They don't wear masks and tear down statues. They don't, as a rule, march and demonstrate. And most have probably never been in a Whole Foods.
But they'll spend the next several days wading in cold, dirty water; dodging gators and water moccasins and fire ants; eating whatever meager rations are available; and sleeping wherever they can in dirty, damp clothes. Their reward is the tears and the hugs and the smiles from the terrified people they help. They'll deliver one boatload, and then go back for more.
When disaster strikes, it's what men do. Real men. Heroic men. American men. And then they'll knock back a few shots, or a few beers with like-minded men they've never met before, and talk about fish, or ten-point bucks, or the benefits of hollow-point ammo, or their F-150.
And the next time they hear someone talk about "the patriarchy", or "male privilege", they'll snort, turn off the TV and go to bed.
In the meantime, they'll likely be up again before dawn. To do it again. Until the helpless are rescued. And the work's done.
They're unlikely to be reimbursed. There won't be medals. They won't care. They're heroes. And it's what heroes do.

FW: FWD: ISIS Soon To Be Non-Existent

Subject: ISIS Soon To Be Non-Existent 
ISIS Soon To Be Non-Existent 



 The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq, and have been given only the following facts about ISIS:
 
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, bacon, BBQ, pickups, nude women, country music...or Jesus.
AND
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

 
The Pentagon expects the problem in IRAQ to be over by Friday.

Fwd: You might be a Redneck !! Very Different!!

----- Original Message -----
From: 
Sent: Friday, November 30, 2012 9:43 AM
Subject: Fwd: You might be a Redneck !! Very Different!!








This is not the type of Redneck jokes we hear, this is beautiful.


We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to
take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that
values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand
before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd
choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up.
Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are
made of (and those of us who believe we have the right to
bear arms in the protection of our way of life and our family). 
I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.
Y'all know who ya are
 

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to
be offended by the phrase, 'One nation, under God..'


You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing
the 10 Commandments posted in public places.


You might be a redneck if: You still say ' Christmas'
instead of 'Winter Festival.'


You might be a redneck if:
 You bow your head when
someone prays.

You might be a redneck if:
 You stand and place your
hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem
You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces
veterans with great respect, and always have.
 
You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an
American flag, nor intend to.
 
(Except as part of a proper flag disposal!)
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe
and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.


You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and
raised your kids to do the same.

Some of you are so old you don't have elders to respect.
You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to
a friend.

You might be a redneck if: You believe in God & Jesus
and believe that others have the right to
 believe in which
ever God they believe in as long as their God does not
tell them to kill anyone who does not believe the same
as they do!!!!! 

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that
you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the
same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
 

God Bless the USA ! 
Keep the fire burning, redneck friend.
IN GOD WE TRUST!



















Fw: Bud Lite

Subject: Fw: Bud Lite
 


 
 
 
 
Subject: FW: Bud Lite
 


A Mexican, a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.



"I can only grant four wishes," the Genie said. "Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece." Pointing at the Black, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish."



The Black thought for a moment then said, "I wish for a fleet of ships so that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa ." Poof! It was done! Thousands of ships appeared on the skyline.




The Mexican said, "I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all my peoples back to our homeland, May-he-co!" Poof! It was done! Row after row of Chevrolet pickups appeared on the beach.




The Muslim said, "I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah." Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.


Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, "And what is your
wish?"



The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the sunset, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.


The Redneck said, "Just give me a Bud Lite. It doesn't get any
better than this!"

Fw: What do people fear most

Curator's note: This RWFWD: is a mash-up of several already in the archive.


Subject: Fw: What do people fear most



You might say this defines a dramatic difference between
Americans and deadbeats ! ! ! - - - - - 

I have read this before (pretty funny!) but the numbers by Prof Olson are new and quite eye opening….

Suzi Jordan

WHAT DO PEOPLE FEAR MOST??

This is pathetic, but darn funny/serious when you think about it for a second.

Two magazines, Country Living (95.99% white readership) and Ebony /Jet (99.99% black readership) did surveys on....

"WHAT DO PEOPLE FEAR MOST?" The results were interesting, to say the least...

Country Living magazine's top three answers were:
1. Nuclear war/terrorist attack in U.S
2. Child/spouse dying
3. Terminal illness

Ebony / Jet magazine's top three answers were:
1. Ghosts
2. Dogs
3. Registered mail

No Kidding... And these are the people who put Obama over the top; what would you expect?

AND TO GO ALONG WITH ALL OF THIS, I'LL SHARE TWO QUOTES; ONE PITIFUL AND ONE GREAT!

"My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you'll join with me, as we change it."-- Barack Obama

''Life's tough, pilgrim, and it's even tougher if you're stupid.'' John Wayne

Read on!!!!
Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law in St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning November's Presidential election:

            Number of States won by: Obama: 19 -  McCain: 29
            Square miles of land won by: Obama: 580,000 -  McCain: 2,427,000
            Population of counties won by: Obama: 127 million -  McCain: 143 million
            Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Obama: 13.2 - McCain: 2.1
Professor Olson adds:

"In aggregate, the map of the territory McCain won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of the country.
Obama territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in low income tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."
Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals - and they vote - then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

If you are in favor of what Obama is doing, then by all means, delete this message.

If you are not, then you might want to pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake.

Fw: Southern Rules

Subject: Southern Rules



This is absolutely priceless....and SOOOOOO true!!!! lol







The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!


1. Pull your droopy pants up.. You look like an
idiot.


2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.


3. Let's get this straight; it's called a
"gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.



4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it?
I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south.. Pick
one.


5. So you have a $70,000 car. We're impressed. We
have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks
a year.


6. So every person in the south waves. It's
called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.



7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves
are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.



8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really
want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner
bait shop.


9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of
deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest
Saturday to the first of November.


10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of age.

11. We say "sir and ma'am",
"please and thank you", "excuse me and
I'm sorry" when we are wrong or impolite. Do
not make the mistake of thinking it makes us weak.
It's just good up-bringing.


12. No, there's no "vegetarian
special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.


13. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices:
salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care
what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff
you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!


14. You bring "coke" into my house, it
better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring
"Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,
know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.



15. College and High School Football is as important
here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang
site more fun to watch.


16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the
water hazards -- it frightens the fish, and
aggravates the alligators.


17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have
State Universities , Universities,
and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a
love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody
when they come for the holidays.


18. Don't think that since we talk slow, we
think slow. You may be in for a
surprise.


19. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force,
and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will
get whipped by the best.


20. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That
thumpity-thump stuff ain't music, anyway. We don't
want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers!
Refer back to #1!


A true southerner will send this to at least 10
others

RE: Divorce Agreement between Liberal and Conservative America

Divorce Agreement between Liberal and Conservative America

I got this through one of the many 2nd amendment groups I belong to.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

P.P.S Of course you could not forget Pelosi as leader of the gang!

Fwd: Red Neck Girl

"Hi MRWD! This one is from my right-wing mother..." -Rachel



--------begin forward---------

Drinking with a Redneck Girl

A Mexican, an Arab, and a redneck girl are in the same bar.

When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air,pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The redneck girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws th e glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

'In America we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

FW: Redneck Vasectomy

[Oh. FYI: This is racist, in the innocent, hand on the cheek style. I debated about posting this, but figured it's important to examine the excreta passed from zealot to zealot. Comments?]


This is scary....... Ain't it?
Redneck Vasectomy

A West Virginia couple, both bona fide rednecks, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them
"what finally made them make the decision - why after nine
Children, would they choose to do this."

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one
Out of every 10 children being born in the United States was
Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican
Baby because neither of them could speak Spanish...

 
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