Subject: Heaviest Element Yet Discovered
See below - this is one of those elements that you always knew existed, but
it takes a very smart chemist a whole lot of effort to figure out the
characteristics and then put it all down in black and white in a manner that
Heaviest Element Yet Known to Science Discovered
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in California has now identified
with certainty the heaviest element known to science.
The new element, Pelosium (PL), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88
deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Pelosium is inert, and has no charge and no magnetism. Nevertheless, it can
be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Pelosium can cause a reaction that would normally
take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Pelosium has a normal half-life of 2 years. It does not decay, but instead
undergoes a biennial reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
Pelosium mass will increase over time, since each reorganization will
promote many morons to become isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Pelosium becomes Senatorium, an element that
radiates just as much energy as Pelosium since it has half as many peons but
twice as many morons.
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