Fw: The One!

Fw: The One!

Is this a fairy tale??? VERY SAD BUT VERY TRUE

Preview of a Sunday School lesson.

" And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land
called America, having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will
to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known
as The One. He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no
meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you.

My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my
association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I shall save you
with Hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land
that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that
all he has built must be destroyed."

And the people rejoiced. For even though they knew not what The One
would do, He had promised that it was good; and they believed.

And The One said "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me
change everything about it!"

And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Change is good!"

Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats,"----

And the people said "Sock it to them!"

"---- and redistribute their wealth."

And the people said, "Show us the money!"

And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody"

And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal
my money and give it to the deadbeats??"

And The One ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were
hacked and publicized.

One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?"

And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and having zero
military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical

And The One said, "Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and
show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever
wanted to kill us all!"

And the people said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat
our weapons into free cars for the people!"

Then The One said, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes."

And one, lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes."

So The One said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats

And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then The One said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your

And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.

And He said, "I shall mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker
and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited
healthcare and medicine
and transportation to the clinics."

And the people said, "Gim'me some of that!"

Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas."

And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then The One said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity
rates will skyrocket!"

And the people said, "Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we
don't care for that part about higher electric rates."

So The One said, "Not to worry. If your rebate isn't enough to cover
your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your
troubles are over!"

Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's
grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free
medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing . . ."

And the people said, "Hallelujah!!" And they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and
ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others
simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a
rock dropped from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed.
Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a
means of support.

Then The One said, "I am the The One - The Messiah - and I'm here to save
you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!"

But our foreign trading partners said unto Him, "Wait a minute. Your
dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay
more . . . "

And the people said, "Wait a minute. That is unfair!!"

And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic programs you have
embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a second-rate
power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?"

But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat
upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty
nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or
shelter or hope. And the Change The One had given them was as like unto
a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that consumed all
that they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish,
"Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!"

But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.


Is this a fairy tale? Nope, it's happening RIGHT NOW!


Anonymous said...

I would suspect that Joe the Plumber wrote this, if it weren't above his reading level.

Anonymous said...

So much delusion. So much self righteousness. So much denial. Just... wow.

dave said...

Agree with Anonymous II: Just ... wow.

I have been kicking around this idea of having a contest on this site to see who could write the most perfect RWF. After reading this bit of wit and wisdom, I see no point in holding a contest.

I think we'll hold off on posting another RWF until Monday ... I want to make sure everyone who regularly comes to the site sees that one full-on. It's worthy of a few days solo.

This, I confess with a loving eyeroll, came from my very own RWD.

curator, MRWD

Anonymous said...

Phew. And I thought the Book of Mormon was the worst knockoff of the King James Bible anyone could write.

Marc with a C said...

Wait, we elected Neo from the Matrix movies to be our preside-er, king? Nice!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for helpfully informing us it's "happening RIGHT NOW!", kind spam. No one could EVER have figured out you were referring to the president. When you're this stupid I guess you start assuming everyone else is too.

Anonymous said...

My god, it's full of stars...

Wait, did I say stars? I meant every fallacious right-wing talking point and comical exaggeration.

This is classic. It's gone full retard. I don't think you could have written this as a parody.

CMcD said...

What must the author of this masterpiece have thought as he finished typing up the Magnum Wingnut Opus?

Probably something along the lines of "Oh boy, I've really created something special here! I can't wait to call up my friends and read it to them over the phone!"

Or maybe there was a brief moment of dismay when he realized that he forgot to say anything about Obamie comin' to take his guns? Dag nabbit!

Anonymous said...

My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evil doers are of no consequence.But enough about Bush! Ha ha! I'll be here all week, folks!

And He said, "I shall mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker Wait, what?

Anonymous said...

My PC crapped out this weekend, so I am just now getting to read this magnum opus, and like the rest of you have said before me: WOW, just WOW.

Well, it's certainly caused me to snort and snicker like a demented idiot, which actually, I think, describes the author (not me).

It seems also to have overtones of that snoringly bah-roar-ing series called "Left Behind." Ya know: how "The ONE" took over (Nick Carpathian or some such) and everyone was ecstatic until DOOOOOOOOOOOM happened and some such (ps when the rapture happens, dibs on all the stuff "left behind").

This is about as starburstinly dumb, boring, idiotic and poorly written - and as fantasy-inspired - as that, uh, "epic" is.

Have y'all noticed how it is the conservatards who always SEEM TO WANT to refer to Obama as "The ONE." I don't know about the rest of you, but none of my liberal friends see Obama this way. We see him as a smart guy, who is doing his best, but as Obama has already told us numerous times, we're not going to like everything he does. Nor do we see him as "perfect" or whatever.

It is the conservatards who seem to have this crying NEED to make the President be their authoritarian daddy (see St. Ronnie of the Ray-gun, et. al.)

Thanks!! Funny stuff for a MOnday morning...

I agree: I don't think any of us posters could really top the epic douchebaggery of this one.

Margaret said...

This is a perfect, absolutely perfect, example of Epic Fail.

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