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Fwd: Obama's Bill of Rights

The Bill of rights as per Obama:
Obama’s new and improved bill of rights
Amendment I As written
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
Amendment I Obama’s version
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion except for Islam; free exercise thereof is limited to Islam. Freedom of speech will be proscribed unless it follows the tenets of Saul Alinsky’s teachings. The right of the people to peaceably assemble is revoked, America now being perfect; there is nothing to complain about. Petitioning the government for redress of grievances is limited to those who are a member of a government recognized minority or Liberal organization.
Amendment II As written
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.
Amendment II Obama’s Version
A federal controlled civilian police force being necessary to the security of the elites, our betters and the activist community at large, the right of the people to bear arms will be revoked to provide for greater harmony in the perfect America I have given you.
Amendment III As written
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
Amendment III Obama’s version
The national police force shall have access to and possession of any private home without the consent of the owner. Activists and community organizers shall have access to and possession of any home they deem to be theirs without title or cost.
Amendment IV As written
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Amendment IV Obama’s version
The right of the people to secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures is hereby repealed. The exceptions to this are: Left wing organizations, La Raza, CAIR and other organizations deemed by the justice depart as no threat to the United States. Being a libertarian, Republican or worker in the private sector is all that is required for probable cause.
Amendment V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
Amendment V Obama’s version
Any person can be held to answer for capital, infamous or thought crimes based on the testimony of a single aggrieved person or organization. In time of war, all combat branches will extend to enemy combatants all constitutional rights and privileges. You can and will be charged for the same crime until the verdict as put forth by the aggrieved party is achieved. Due process is hereby restricted to the aggrieved and oppressed within the boundaries of the United States. Private property can be taken for any use as long as it promotes the equalization of society, assuages white guilt or redresses past injustices regardless of time elapsed.
Amendment VI As written
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
Amendment VI Obama’s version
Only Minorities and enemy combatants will enjoy the right to a speedy and fair trial. Minorities and enemy combatants will be judged by a panel of peers drawn from their racial or religious groups. The exception to the above is those of the Christian faith. Crimes not covered by law shall be construed to mean all disparaging or hurtful remarks to a member or members of a liberal organization The nature and cause of the accusation will be suspended as just being aggrieved will be enough to prosecute. Witnesses and counsel will no longer be needed as the judges have impartiality in all matters legal and civil.
Amendment VII As written
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
Amendment VII Obama’s version
Trial by jury for common law cases shall be suspended where the plaintiffs are known minorities or enemy combatants. In all other cases wherein the plaintiff is not a member of a minority or enemy combatant, the plaintiff shall be responsible for all court costs and fines thereof regardless of the verdict. In addition,reexamination of facts shall be deemed necessary if the verdict is not in line with public opinion.
Amendment VIII As written
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
Amendment VIII Obama’s version
Bail is suspended for minorities, Activist groups and Community Service organizations, but shall be unlimited for bankers, the rich and oppressors of minorities.
Amendment IX As written
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.
Amendment IX Obama’s version
Rights in the constitution will be dispensed at the discretion of the judiciary except in cases where the opinion rendered does not agree with tracking polls or activist groups.
Amendment X As written
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.
Amendment X Obama’s Version
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved respectively, or to the Activist groups, Awareness groups or minorities as specified by the president

7 comments:

C.M. Gonzalez said...

Wow, must be tough being a white man in America. I never knew.

Anonymous said...

If there's one thing I worry about from Democrats, it's overuse of military force.

Higher bail for bankers might not be a bad idea, since so many of them are flight risks these days, although I don't think suspending minorities' bail means what they think it means.

Anonymous said...

Got kind of lazy at the end, there. It started as a fairly imaginative paranoid fantasy and degraded into the equivalent of sticking "unless you're white" at the end of every amendment.

Anonymous said...

Well the annointed one and his enablers in congress are clearly out to gut the second amendment -- somehow the left doesnt get riled much about mauling that part of the constitution

Anonymous said...

@anon

We generally have our hands full trying to protect the rest of the constitution.

Anonymous said...

Paranoid fantasies, indeed.

I'm afraid I can't remember the plank in Obama's campaign where he spoke of taking peoples' guns away.

It seems to me that when the Supreme Court invalidated Washington DC's gun ban any possible remaining fantasies from the left about banning guns were suddenly swept away. Obama has acknowledged this.

Gun control and the promotion of Islam - two things that Obama has nothing whatsoever to do with yet fill the wingnut heart with fear and apprehension.

Marc with a C said...

Hey anon

Since you and your friends are all such strict constructionists, how about we limit the 2nd amendment to the ownership of single-shot, black powder firelocks and pikes, just as the founding fathers originally intended?

Kthxbai.

 
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