FW: 2011 Scouting Report


----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2011 8:22 PM
Subject: 2011 Scouting Report

It has finally arrived...the 2011 football scouting report.  The following is currently making the rounds of Division 1 football coaches:

Wayfron P. Jackson:
6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.  Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years.

Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet.  Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name. Signed with Tennessee .

Quinticious Jenkins:6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School , Dunn , N.C.

Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm. Signed with South Carolina.

Nissana Sentra Dansell:
6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, Texas . Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.

Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick." Signed with LSU .

Woodrow Lee Washington:6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.

Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father.  He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because, "The dude say sumpin' bad 'bout my Momma."  On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20/20. Signed with the University of Oklahoma .

Willie "Night Train" Smith:
6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.

Thinks the "N" on Nebraska 's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT's. Signed with the University  of Alabama .

Tyrone "Python" Peoples:6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges.

Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red Cadillacs.  Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company. Signed with University of Miami .

Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Coupe Deville Jones until he discovered religion.

Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville .  Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear."  (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Signed with the University of Florida .

Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.


Anonymous said...


I mean... come on.

No one is really this racist, right? No one really thinks this is clever, interesting or entertaining, right? How is this even possible?

Just disgusting.

Anonymous said...


ferschitz said...

Dear First Anon: you haven't been viewing the RWFs here for very long, have you? This is typical, I'm very sad to report. Yes: these ARE your countryfolk who enjoy being abject nasty bullying racists... and they actually do think that horrible sh*t like this a big old laff riot.

Then one of 'em will come around here to resounding *chide* me for typing the word sh*t here. No SHIT; it happens with frequency.

There's is no level of appallingly disgusting racism that these beings will not stoop. But verily I say unto you: if you use words like SHIT and DAMN, they will resoudningly chide you for your indecency.

Matthew 25:40 (might do these cretins good to read the Scripture, for a change, that they love to wave in our heathen faces here).

That Other Mike said...

Shorter RWJ: "Hehehe. Niggers have stoopit names!"

gruaud said...

Keep it up, dummies.

I want you to alienate EVERYONE who isn't a sheet wearin' jackass.

You are beyond redemption; so go all in, assholes.

LiberalGunner said...

Cassette player in the helmet; how long has this been around?

I also see most are schools that seem to have a red state tilt to them.

katz said...

Hey! It never SAYS they're black! You're just reading that in because you're a REVERSE RACIST!

Hooray4US said...

Katz: heh! Good call-out!

The cassette player in the helmet is another "tell" that this one's been making the 'rounds of the white-sheet set since the days of yore. Guess the rednecks all think they're comic genuises or something... hyuck hyuck not.

Marc with a C said...

Dear right-wing e-mail forwarder:

If these guys signed with Florida, Alabama, Miami, Oklahoma, LSU, South Carolina, and Tennessee, how did they all end up in the same place, banging your daughter?

Just curious.

Anonymous said...

@ 1st Anon & fershitz -

Yes, they've always been this racist - well, some of them have. But no, in the recent past, they actually haven't always been quite as open about it as they are now. And they haven't always tried as hard to recruit more poeple to their way of thinking.

The blatant racism has been increasing, IMO, as a direct result of the right-wing noise machine deliberately whipping up bigotry of all sorts, and urging their followers not to be "afraid" to express the "truth". This stuff's always been out there among the hard-core bigots - but the hard-core bigots are being urged to "stand up" for their "rights"/"opinions", and they've gotten more vocal. This kind of stuff's now going more and more mainstream.

Anonymous said...

Of course, we all know that no white football players do anything wrong. No sirree, no white quarterback ever raped anyone or anything. Only black football players do anything wrong.

Tootseye said...

Yeah, last Anon post, I noticed in yesterday's SuperBowl game that Pittsburgh Steeler Ben Rothlisberger is just a very very very pale-skinned African American, I'm so sure...

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