Curator's note: This RWFWD: is a mashup of several FWD:s already in the archive.


Subject: FW: Father and his Daughter have a talk

Father & Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.
Like so many others her age, she
considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal
ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more
government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch
conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures
that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a
professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil,
selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher
taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to
be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by
asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA,
and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she
was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying,
which left her no time to go out and party like other people she
knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really
have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey
She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy
classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so
popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited
to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for
classes because she's too hung over.”
Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don't you go to the
Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to
your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0
GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily
fired back, “That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've
worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a
lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree.
She played while I worked my tail off!”
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the
conservative side of the fence.”
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a
great test!
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
if a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion
silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about
shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can
have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because their "offended."

What will you do?


Anonymous said...

Ugh. Why is it that the only recycling wingnuts endorse is the recycling of old, debunked talking points?

Zeno said...

A liberal will delete it because their "offended."

This liberal will point out that once again conservatives don't know the difference between "their" and "they're" and tend to throw in unnecessary quotation marks. (I guess they didn't pay attention in school because they were out partying and lowering their GPAs.)

Anonymous said...

Here's a better idea for the daughter:

How about we take away the tax-payer subsidies for her college (whether its a public university or a private non-profit, they both get a boatload of taxpayer money); take away the tax-payer subsidized roads she uses to get there; take away the internet (developed with tax-payer subsidies); take away the public school system she probably used to get to college in the first place; take away any tax-payer subsidized libraries she might have used; and (if she lives in a rural area) take away her tax-payer subsidized rural electrification, as well as any tax-payer subsidized water or sewers she may use. Oh, yeah, and lets make sure we take away the evil tax-payer funded government regulations as well, and any public prgrams anyone in her family may have used.

If she wants to learn, she can have her parents educate her at their own expense at home and/or pay the full cost of private education, as well as pay the full cost of all of her books on the open market. She can travel to school over high-cost private toll roads (assuming she lives someplace that make building private roads worth the investment - otherwise, she'll have to rough it overland), and do her work on computers built and fueled entirely by private funds and privately-generated electricity (if she can afford 'em). She can use whatever private water and septic systems she can afford to pay for - or pump her own water (assuming she has access to a privately-dug well) and do her business in an outhouse (assuming someone dug one out for her), like people did in the good old days before all of the evil public services were implemented. Hopefully, she'll have made it to adulthood in the first place, what with no health or safety regulations on anything, and maybe she'll be lucky enough to go to school, rather than have to spend all of her time taking care of sick, disabled, or elderly family members, since there will be no evil social services for those people.

Once she's experienced the real side of the conservative fence, she can get back to us on how terrific it is.

ferschitz said...

Thanks to last Anon, who explains a *small part* of what our taxpayer dollars pay for. One thing you forgot to mention is that, in today's world, parents who homeschool their kids also get taxpayer assistance in various ways. So just to be clear: let this conservative/libertarian family do *everything* on their own, and then let's see how their daughter does... if she even makes it to adulthood.

Most libertarians, it seems to me, live in some fantasy land about the "good old days" of the wild west, where white men *ruled* and the wimmin 'n kids 'n redskins knew their "place."

That's all very well, but it was tough to survive back then, and the myth of the lonesome cowboy belies the fact that most of those loners didn't live very long.

The families that settled the prairies and the west often did so at great personal cost and didn't often live that long. Those that made it usually did so because they *pooled together* with other settlers and helped each other out... you know: being all socialistic and all.

The myth of being able to do everything on your own with your so-called *hard earned* money is just that: a fiction cooked up by rightwing thinktanks to bamboozle conservatives. It's baloney.

Anonymous said...

If a conservative doesn't like a student's opinion, she'll tear into her in a national column and get other conservatives to flood her e-mail.

If a conservative doesn't like the conclusions scientists make, he'll pitch an unholy fit, cut their funding, and subpoena them to try to dig up dirt on them.

If a conservative doesn't like his country's history, he'll rewrite text books to match his opinions.

If a conservative doesn't like how Justice looks, he'll have it covered up.

If a conservative meets someone who disagrees with his religion, he calls them a terrorist and screams for them to be deported.

If a conservative hears a talk show host he disagrees with... wait, that won't happen, since they won't listen to anyone who isn't on Fox's payroll.

CharlieE said...

If a liberal doesn't want to smoke pot, he doesn't smoke it. If a conservative doesn't want to smoke pot, he wants pot outlawed for everyone.

If a liberal doesn't want to gamble online, he doesn't do it. If a conservative doesn't want to gamble online, he wants online gambling outlawed for everyone.

If a pregnant liberal doesn't want an abortion, she doesn't get one. If a conservative, pregnant or not, doesn't want an abortion, they want abortions outlawed for everyone.

"Conservatives" (really, Republicans) want to micromanage the personal lives of everyone. Corporations, however, should be free to do whatever they like. As long as DuPont is prohibited from dumping toxic chemicals in my front yard, we live under tyranny.

Nightsky said...

*wildly applauds CharlieE*

Hooray4US said...

I think all conservatives should be forced to never ever call the police or ask them for any help whatsoever, and all conservatives should be put in the police departments' databases to indicate that the PD should *ignore* anything that happens to them. After all, conservatives don't want their precious tax dollars wasted on socialistic services like the commie Police Depts.

Same goes for the Fire Dept. Next time some conservative's house catches on fire, they can just put it out, themselves. Wouldn't want to be pussy-commies expecting some tax dollar supported fire dept to come save their asses, now would they?

Of course, if a conservative comes here to read this, we'll all get chewed out for telling the truth!

Anoner said...

Wow, talk about projection! Just reverse the words "conservative" and "liberal," and while it won't be 100% accurate, it'll be much closer to the truth.

gruaud said...

Valeyard and CharlieE hit walk-off homeruns on this.

Note to Zeno...the whole 'their' thing is a tiny ploy to piss off liberals. I suspect the writer can distinguish they're vs their vs there....they just throw it out there like a fly fisherman tosses out a royal coachman.

It is a low cunning; but cunning, nonetheless.

Anonymous said...

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about
shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

Oh yes, when you're unemployed and without health care in the worst US economy since the Great Depression, just "choose" a different job! Why didn't I think of that?!?

Anonymous said...

To last Anon post: good point. The idea there is two-fold, I believe. It's 1) if you're a conservative you will *for sure* be offered a job with health insurance because you're not a lazy slacker liberal who doesn't even bother to look for a job but lazes around all day waiting for the nanny state to take care of him/her (yeah: right), and 2) that there are even jobs available and that said jobs actually offer benefits like health care insurance (not always).

LiberalGunner said...

So Focus on the Family has no problem with Howard Stern?

joshua said...

If the dad was anything like today's right wing, he would be demanding the school institute a permanent 4.0 for his daughter so she could go party like Aubrey and get the good grades. Then he would laugh at Aubrey for not being as successful as his daughter.

Anonymous said...

If a Democrat is opposed to abortion, she doesn't have one.
If a Republican is opposed to abortion, he tries to ban them for everyone except his wife, daughter and mistress.

If a Democrat doesn't like gay weddings he doesn’t have one.
If a Republican doesn't like gay weddings, he wants them all outlawed because it makes his marriage meaningless.

If a Democrat is a vegetarian, it's because he wants better treatment for animals.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, it's because he works for Monsanto and has seen the sausage being made and is called a homo by his peers.

If a Democrat doesn't like what a country band says about the President they don't buy their recordings.
If a Republican doesn't like what a country band says about the President they demand radio stations stop playing their songs.

If a Democrat is homosexual, he supports equality for others.
If a Republican is homosexual, he hides it while hypocritically condemning that lifestyle until he gets caught with a male prostitute or public bathroom then blames the devil.

If a Democrat is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he blames it on the liberal media and Mexicans.

If a Democrat doesn't like a television show, he switches channels.
If a Republican doesn't like a television show, he launches a boycott to get the program cancelled so that no one else can watch it.

If a Democrat is religious, he quietly prays in private, as Jesus said one should and doesn't hold up school classes or football games so everyone else has to hear him pray.
If a Republican is religious, he demands that everyone stop what they are doing to be forced to pray along with him in public.

If a Democrat needs health care, he seeks to ensure that health care is accessible to everyone else as well.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, it's because he drives his truck to the McDonalds where he stuffs his fat face every day giving him diabetes which raises the cost of health care for the rest of us all the while bitching about "personal responsibility" then buys stock in an HMO and campaigns against affordable health care.

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he is not a Republican. He is a wuss.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he goes to church anyway, because people will talk.

If a Democrat reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A Republican will attempt to have the sender arrested.

Anonymous said...

The part that has "If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!"" - I just got it again today! March of 2017! Proving again that the Reich-wing cult will believe anything as long as it is endlessly repeated and supports their vicious heresies.

Creative Commons License is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.