FWD: Proablably not a true story

Curator's note: The contributor of this submission notes, "I did a little research on this one and it appears that there is an entire Facebook page devoted to the guys who supposedly wrote it." The MRWD Submission Committee debated rejecting it because it appeared to be more spoof than RW FWD:. Upon seeing how many forums and Web sites it appears on, however, they voted to post it here.

Proablably not a true story

Neighborhood restaurant incident

This morning I was seated behind a group of jubilant individuals celebrating
the successful passing of the recent health care bill. I could not finish my
breakfast. This is what ensued:
They were a diverse group of several races and both sexes. I heard the young
man exclaim, "Obama like Jesus Christ? I mean, after all, he is healing the
The young woman enthusiastically proclaimed, "Yeah, and he does it for free.

I cannot believe anyone would think that a free market would work for health
They are all crooks and thieves and don't deserve all of that money."
Another said, "The stupid Republicans want us all to starve to death so they
can inherit all of the power. Obama should be made a Saint for what he did
for those of us less fortunate." At this, I had had enough.

I arose from my seat, mustering all the restraint I could find, and
approached their table. "Please excuse me; may I impose upon you for one
moment?" They smiled and welcomed me to the conversation. I stood at the
end of their table, smiled as best I could and began an experiment.

"I would like to give one of you my house. It will cost you no money and I
will pay all of the expenses and taxes for as long as you live there. Anyone
interested?" They looked at each other in astonishment.
"Why would you do something like that?" asked a young man, There isn't
anything for free in this world. They began to laugh at me, as they did not
realize this man had just made my point. "I am serious, I will give you my
house for free, no money what so ever.
Anyone interested?" In unison, a resounding "Hell Yeah" fills the room.

"Since there are too many of you, I will have to make a choice as to who
receives this money free bargain." I noticed an elderly couple was paying
attention to the spectacle unfolding before their eyes, the old man shaking
his head in apparent disgust. "I tell you what; I will give it to the one
of you most willing to obey my rules." Again, they looked at one another,
an expression of bewilderment on their faces. The perky young woman asked,
"What are the rules?" I smiled and said, "I don't know. I have not yet
defined them. However, it is a free home that I offer you." They giggled
amongst themselves, the youngest of which said, "What an old coot. He must
be crazy to give away his home. Go take your meds, old man." I smiled and
leaned into the table a bit further. I am serious, this is a legitimate
offer. They gaped at me for a moment.

"Hell, I'll take it you old fool. Where are the keys?" boasted the youngest
among them. "Then I presume you accept ALL of my terms then?" I asked. The
elderly couple seemed amused and entertained as they watched from the
privacy of their table. "Oh hell yeah! Where do I sign up?" I took a napkin
and wrote, "I give this man my home, without the burden of financial
obligation, so long as he accepts and abides by the terms that I shall set
forth upon consummation of this transaction." I signed it and handed it to
the young man who eagerly scratched out his signature. Where are the keys to
my new house?"
he asked in a mocking tone of voice. All eyes were upon us as I stepped back
from the table, pulling the keys from pocket and dangling them before the
excited new homeowner.

"Now that we have entered into this binding contract, witnessed by all of
your friends, I have decided upon the conditions you are obligated to adhere
from this point forward. You may only live in the house for one hour a day.
You will not use anything inside of the home. You will obey me without
question or resistance. I expect complete loyalty and admiration for this
gift I bestow upon you. You will accept my commands and wishes with
enthusiasm, no matter the nature. Your morals and principles shall be as
mine. You will vote as I do, think as I do and do
it with blind faith. These are my terms. Here are your keys." I
offered the keys and the young man looked at me dumb-founded.

"Are you out of your freaking mind? Who would ever agree to those ridiculous
terms?" the young man appeared irritated. "You did when you signed this
contract before reading it, understanding it and with the full knowledge
that I would provide my conditions only after you committed to the
agreement." Was all I said. The elderly man chuckled as his wife tried to
restrain him. I was looking at a now silenced and bewildered group of
people. "You can shove that stupid deal up you're ass old man, I want no
part of it" exclaimed the now infuriated young man.
"You have committed to the contract, as witnessed by all of your friends;
you cannot get out of the deal unless I agree to it. I do not intend to let
you free now that I have you ensnared. I am the power you agreed to. I am
the one you blindly and without thought chose to enslave yourself to. In
short, I am your Master." At this, the table of celebrating individuals
became a unified group against the unfairness of the deal.

After a few moments of unrepeatable comments and slurs, I revealed my true
intent. "What I did to you is what this administration and congress did to
you with the health care legislation. I easily suckered you in and then
revealed the real cost of the bargain. Your folly was in the belief that you
can have something you did not earn; that you are entitled to that which you
did not earn; that you willingly allowed someone else to think for you. Your
failure to research, study and inform yourself permitted reason to escape
you. You have entered into a trap from which you cannot flee. Your only
chance of freedom is if your new Master gives it unto you. A freedom that is
given can also be taken
away; therefore, it is not freedom." With that, I tore up the napkin
and placed it before the astonished young man. "This is the nature of your
new health care legislation."

I turned away to leave these few in thought and contemplation and was
surprised by applause. The elderly gentleman, who was clearly entertained,
shook my hand enthusiastically and said, "Thank you Sir, these kids don't
understand Liberty these days." He refused to allow me to pay my bill as he
said, "You earned this one, it is an honor to pickup the tab." I shook his
hand in thanks, leaving the restaurant somewhat humbled, and sensing a
glimmer of hope for my beloved country.

Use reason, it is the closest you are going to get to Godly conduct.
Clifford A. Wright
Brian C. Ragland
LTC, USA, (Ret)

The Second Amendment does not grant Americans a Right.
It provides that the Government should not attempt to take away a Right that
belonged to them all along.
Any Government that is considering trying to disarm America should remember,
"The shot heard around the world" was precipitated by the British trying to
take arms away from the Americans.

The "left" thinks it can ride the Islamist tiger. It believes its own theory
that "religion is the opiate of the people" - an "epiphenomenon," not a real
force, but an illusion used by those in power, a narcotic for the masses.
But IF the left - Heaven help us - partners with Islamists to drive Western,
that is to say, Judeo-Christian, civilization over a cliff, every leftist
will be devoured before the Islamists come to believe Marx was right about
Allah being an illusion.


Anonymous said...

Proablably not a true story

Proablably not.

Good choice to post this, as it seems like a perfect example of a RWFWD.

gruaud said...

This may be a spoof....but, really, who can tell anymore?

ferschitz said...

Good to post it but agree with Gruaud: who can tell what's a spoof or not anymore, and given that it's on a bunch of websites... well, the wingers are probably taking it ever so seriously. And that's all it takes.

dumb de dumb dumb dumb

Hey I have a ton of issues with the Health Care leg that got ridiculously watered down and is not what I want. However, to imply that citizens don't "deserve" it because they haven't "earned" it is b.s. Plus we all pay for the health care of those without insurance whether we want to or not. People end up in the ER, which is insanely ineffecient. But get a clue: it's not like the hospitals, doctors and nurses are doing ER for free. We all pay for it one way or the other.

That's what's so stupid about all of this. We WILL pay for it, no matter what. The question is: HOW do we want to pay for it??

Republics would rather have some chaotic, ineffective system that makes *appear* as if they're not paying for the dreaded lazy poor, which ends up costing THEM and the rest of MORE than if we had a sane system of health care.

However, trying to be reasonable with the utterly morally bankrupt unreasonable is useless. Might as well pound our heads on brick walls bc it would be more satisfying.

Bebe 99 said...

I'm glad to know our fictional retired military are so capable of slaying a straw man argument so efficiently!

It's a familiar scenario as the protagonist takes on someone making a statment that no one believes: "medical care is now free" and combating it with his reasonable illustration. Note: before he can do so he must make an effort to contain his rage! The last paragraph is another bizarre straw man made out of a Marxist/pro-Islam/anti-Christian philosophy that also would not exist in the real world.

gruaud said...

"Note: before he can do so he must make an effort to contain his rage!"

This is one theme of RWF's that
always has me chortling. They go
through life just barely keeping
it together. Reminds me of Mr.
Furious of the movie 'Mystery Men'.

katz said...

I vote real. The self-satisfaction, the pseudo-joke-like format, the fantasy about what he would do if he ever met a real liberal, and the random other people who appear just to congratulate him on how awesome he is for being a conservative all smack of authenticity. A parody would be over-the-top, not dull and hackneyed like this.

Hooray4US said...

I don't think I can bear to read the vapid stupidity of this screed. These days, reading the first breathless sentence, and then the last trenchant remark seems enough to sum it all up:

"Probably not a true story.... But IF the left - Heaven help us - partners with Islamists to drive Western, that is to say, Judeo-Christian, civilization over a cliff, every leftist will be devoured before the Islamists come to believe Marx was right about
Allah being an illusion."

Uh, so, 'scuse me: R U "just saying" that Jesus is an "illusion" as well? Inquiring minds need to know.

Anonymous said...

RE: Gruaud,

Or Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men -- HAHAHA -- Always just simmering below the surface. "You Can't Handle the TRUTH".

Anonymous said...

Well, this one was even more idiotic than usual.

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