Curator's note: This is the third version of this FWD: I have placed in the museum. This one adds roommates, a receptionist and cousin Frank to the mix. The other two entries are available here.

This should be posted at all the campuses in the U.S.

John is 63 years old and owns a small business. He's a life-long Republican and sees his dream of retiring next year has all but evaporated. With the stock market crashing and new taxes coming his way, John assumes now that he will work to his dying day.

John has a granddaughter. Ashley is a recent college grad. She drives a flashy hybrid car, wears all the latest fashions, and loves to go out to nightclub s and restaurants. Ashley campaigned hard for Barak Obama. After the election she made sure her grandfather (and all other Republican family members) received a big I told-you-so earful on how the world is going to be a much better place now that her party is taking over.

Having lost both roommates, Ashley recently ran short of cash and cannot pay the rent (again) on her 3 bedroom townhouse. Like she has done many times in the past, she e-mailed her grandfather asking for some financial help. Here is his reply:


I received your request for assistance.

Ashley, you know I love you dearly and I'm sympathetic to your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the election of President Obama, your grandmother and I have had to set forth a bold new economic plan of our own..."The Ashley Economic Empowerment Plan." Let me explain.

Your grandmother and I are life-long, wage-earning tax payers. We have lived a comfortable life, as you know, but we have never had the fancier things like European vacations, luxury cars, etc. We have worked hard and were looking forward to retiring soon. But the plan has changed. Your president is raising our personal and business taxes significantly. He says it is so he can give our hard earned money to other people. Do you know what this means, Ashley? It means less for us, and we must cut back on many business and personal expenses.

You know the wonderful receptionist who worked in my office for more than 23 years? The one who always gave you candy when came over to visit? I had to let her go last week. I can't afford to pay her salary and all of the government mandated taxes that go with having employees. Your grandmother will now work 4 days a week to answer phones, take orders and handle the books. We will be closed on Fridays and will lose even more income to the Wal-Mart.

I'm also very sorry to report that your cousin Frank will no longer be working summers in the warehouse. I called him at school this morning. He already knows about it and he's upset because he will have to give up skydiving and his yearly trip to Greenland to survey the polar bears.

That's just the business side of things. Some personal economic effects of Obama's new taxation policies include none other than you. You know very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing, clothing, gifts, etc., etc. But by your vote, you have chosen to help others -- not at your expense -- but at our expense.

If you need money now sweetheart, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct phone number for the White House. You yourself told me how foolish it is to vote Republican. You said Mr. Obama is going to be the People's President, and is going to help every American live a better life. Based on everything you've told me, along with all the promises we heard during the campaign, I'm sure Mr. Obama will be happy to transfer some stimulus money into your bank account. Have him call me for the account number which I memorized years ago.

Perhaps you can now understand what I've been saying all my life: those who vote for a president should consider the impact on the nation as a whole, and not be just concerned with what they can get for themselves. What Obama supporters don't seem to realize is all of the money he is redistributing to illegal aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (the so-called "less fortunate") comes from tax-paying families.

Remember how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"? Well guess what, honey? Because we own a business, your grandmother and I are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might look that way, but in the real world, we are far from it.

As you said while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive people results in them having less money; less money for everything, including granddaughters.

I'm sorry, Ashley, but the well has run dry. The free lunches are over. I have no money to give you now.

So, congratulations on your choice for "change." For future reference, I encourage you to try and add up the total value of the gifts and cash you have received from us, just since you went off to college, and compare it to what you expect to get from Mr. Obama over the next 4 (or 8) years. I have not kept track of it, Ashley. It has all truly been the gift of our hearts.

Remember, we love you dearly....but from now on you'll need to call the number mentioned above. Your "Savior" has the money we would have given to you. Just try and get it from him.

Good luck, sweetheart.




Unknown said...

What happened to their bootstraps? And if they only have the two employees, they are, in fact, NOT subject to new taxes....

katz said...

This one's been thoroughly chewed over the previous two times. I love how it gets more melodramatic and how the two characters become more ridiculous caricatures each time.

ferschitz said...

Their desparation to prove how gawd-awfully aaaawwwwwfffuuuulll everything is preceeds them.

What happens if they actually face a for-real problem or difficulty? What then? Do they just check themselves into the mental ward with straight jackets (do not collect $200; go directly to the padded cell)??

The level of drama queen/king-ness of these things is beyond belief.

Anonymous said...

Spoken like a true Christo-Facist male, whose church most likely has ties to the C Street Family. White men are at the top of the pyramid and "next" to God. Then come white women, who are supposed to be obedient to white MEN (I am utterly serious about this).

Hence, Grandpa is merely acting out what he's been told is the "natural order," and that he is obeying "God's will." Plus it's ok to be self-centered, selfish prick, as long as it's for Jeebus.

Pretty sick - huh? Cult-like, doncha think?

And guess where minorities rate in this schema?

Anonymous said...

The average Adjusted Gross Income for the top 1% of taxpayers (the richest of the rich) is 1.3 million per year. The lowest earners in this group earn a minimum of 400K per year. Maybe Grandpa has a fancy million dollar home to pay for or something, otherwise he's the one whose been living beyond his means if he can't keep things going on 400K/year. This sounds so much like a certain Grandpa I know. Someone like him probably never gave his grandkids any kind of assistance anyway. just sayin

Thomas said...

A "flashy hybrid car?" Right there, that's a sign of BS to follow.

gruaud said...

Katz is right; the next incarnation will probably have
David Caruso and a horny sheep in addition to the
rest of the original BS.

Hibryd said...

Thomas - yes, hybrid cars may be many things, but they are not flashy. Maybe if they said "she drives a blob-like dorkmobile hibryd car"...

Anonymous said...

The new Lexus is pretty fashly, but I don't think that's what they had in mind....

Ashley, I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but your Grandpa's an asshole.

Anonymous said...

Ashley probably figured out long ago that Grandpa was a jerk and stopped paying attention to his selfish nonsense. Which is proably why Grandpa goes on & on in this screed... because no one in family wants to be close to him anymore or listen to his crap.

Sucks to be old & so nasty that no one can stand to be around you.

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