Fwd: Jesus and The Democrat

Subject: Fwd: Jesus and The Democrat

( I don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!)

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"  The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched backHe shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,  "Is that Jesus, over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there? The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm
collecting disability."

Laughter is God's gift to us to help ease the pains of life's tough times.


gruaud said...

Whenever these start out 'I don't care what
party,' pinch your nose shut because the
bullshit will be a-flyin'.

What's funny is a Republican buying a coffee
for a small, brown-skinned guy with semitic
features and long hair.

I bet Jesus appreciates the irony.

Anonymous said...

Good thing the Democrats pushed through the ADA, so the Republican in a wheelchair could actually get into the restaurant.

ferschitz said...

This "joke" got it all wrong. The Republic wouldn't be caught dead buying some dusky dude a coffee; what would their white pals at the country club have to say if they saw that happening?

The libertarian wouldn't enter an establishment that permitted darkies into it, in the first place. But saying that they did, the libertarian would sneer at the dusky dude and tell him to go out and make his own money and buy himself his own tea - Jesus needs to take care of his own self in the perfectly free market.

The Democratic person would definitely be much more *likely* to buy Jesus a beer, though, but it's just a Republican fantasy that the leftie would refuse help via a healing touch from Jesus.

That's the other mistake in this "joke": it's unlikely that the Republican or the Libertarian would allow a dark-skinned person to touch their glorious white-itude. Never happen.

Hence: Republican humor fail once again. And got it totally wrong, per usual & isn't even funny, despite the "instructions" telling you how funny it is. Meh.

Anonymous said...

As if any Republican would ever recognize a poorly-dressed brown guy as Jesus.

As if any libertarian would ever buy some looser anything - you gotta earn it in the FREE MARKET, baby!

And as if anyone on disability could even afford to go out to eat in places frequented by Republicans and libertarians.

katz said...

Why is the Democrat acting like a redneck? Do you think there is even one Democrat in the country that drinks Miller Lite?

It's like these people are conceding that there is no possible behavior that is more obnoxious than acting like a hick.

Anoner said...

good point, Katz! lol

I also think it has a lot to do with the projection that Republicans indulge themselves in.

gruaud said...


"I don't care what party you like...conservatives suck!"

There, I distilled the e-mail to its mirror essence.

So come on, teabaggers...laughter is God's gift
to us to help ease the pains of life's tough times.

Tough times that you helped cause, but there
ya go.

Anonymous said...

Subject: Jesus and the Democrat (Be Sure To Read 'til the end.)


(I don't care what party you like — really, whatever party, I mean it...

...I'm just sayin'... but this one's really funny!!)

A Libertarian enters a restaurant and sees Jesus waiting for a table,
with blood dripping from the wounds in his hands, side, and feet.
The Libertarian says to the restaurant's manager, "Hey, if that guy
doesn't have proper health insurance, throw him out, and LET HIM DIE!"

A Republican comes in next, and tells the manager, "That bum is wearing
dirty clothes and has no shoes on his bloody feet, and probably has no money...
He looks like a community organizer. Throw that filthy hippy out of here!"

A Democratic customer gets up from his table and walks over to Jesus,
puts an arm around his shoulder, and says, "Come on, my friend, sit with me.
I'll buy you lunch. I believe we should be happy to share our blessings!"

Jesus smiles at him and says, "I have always taught and demonstrated that
we should feed the hungry, heal the sick, and comfort the poor and needy.
I am so proud of you, that you are indeed following my teachings, my brother!"

The Democratic fellow then asks the Lord, "What about those other two —
the Libertari-ass and the Republi-clown? Are they going to burn in Hell?"

Jesus laughs, and says, "Nahhh... We'll just forgive 'em.
—That will REALLY mess with their heads!!"

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