A letter from the Boss:
To All My Valued Employees,
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of
this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy
has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the
good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What
does threaten your job, however, is the changing political landscape in
this country.
Let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide
what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against
employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is
a Back Story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by
what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've
seen my big home at last year's Christmas party. I'm sure; all these
flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my
life.
However, what you don 't see is the BACK STORY :
I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300
square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire studio apartment
was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into
building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.
My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent
went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a
defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I
stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and
partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work,
discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a
modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy
cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes.
Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I
was trolling through the discount stores for clothing that didn't look
like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages
and lived a life of luxury. I did not. I put my time, my money, and my
life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too,
would be able to afford the luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9 am, mentally check
in at about noon, and then leave at 5 pm, I don't. There is no "off"
button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and have a
weekend all to yourself. I do not have that freedom. I eat and breathe
this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no
weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to
my hip like a one- year-old special-needs child. You, of course, only
see the fruits of that labor -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the
vacations... you never realize the Back Story and the sacrifices I've
made.
Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the
right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who
didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled
to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life
for.
Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is
steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this
business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of
marginal benefit. Let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough.
I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and Use taxes.
Payroll taxes. Workers Compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on
taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and guess
what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and
regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of
my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000
for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada.
Zilch.
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the
guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over
2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single
mother at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next
welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic
stimulus of this country.
The fact is, if I deducted (read: stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd
quit and wouldn't work here. And why should you? That's nuts. Who wants
to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why
your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don't understand: To stimulate the economy,
you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had government suddenly
mandated that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of
depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have
spent it hiring more employees and generating substantial economic
growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in
the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't
defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to
life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the
heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate
it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the
poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic
engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of
"change" you can keep.
So where am I going with all this?
It's quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be
swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead
with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's
future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and
retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the
productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to
provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it will be my citizenship.
So, if you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy. It
will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this
country, steam-rolled the Constitution, and changed its landscape
forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired
with no employees to worry about.
Signed, THE BOSS
__________________
Jimbo
Fwd: Atlas Shrugs....
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16 comments:
You know, if there really is a boss in the world surly and idiotic enough to send a letter like that to me, I would immediately start looking for a different job, because he's obviously unstable.
That's one epic temper tantrum right there. I like the direct insult to his employees.
I wonder if he pays for his employees' health coverage?
Ah yes. Because it is only through the mighty travails of our nation's capitalist ubermensch that we have risen to enjoy the unparalleled greatness we enjoy today. You know, the anonymous John Galt without whom people would stop inventing things like iPhones, Blackberries, and airplanes.
Makes you wonder why he had to hire anybody to work for him in the first place.
Hey Mr. Potter, is that you? It's me, George Bailey. BTW, we pulled the tape from the security camera and saw that you took Uncle Billy's money and didn't say a word about it. Well, have fun in your retirement in "another country!" We're really gonna miss you in Bedfold Falls. -George
So it's really THE POOR who are the greedy ones!
Yes, taxes cost money. You know what else costs money? Lawsuits. For wrongful termination. Like when you fire someone for their political beliefs.
I'm sure that this is totally bogus, because no successful business owner could be this clueless.
Have fun in "another country", where you'll likely be taxed just as much by the government there.
The second I receive an e-mail like that, I'm walking out the fucking door. Idiot.
What a moron. If a little bit of a tax increase is all it takes to cause him to take drastic steps then he does not know how to run his business.
If I got this... I might have to squat out a giant shit on his desk... and I always have to poo in the morning.
A format of this "letter" has been circulating since the days doing it on ditto machines & passing it around by hand (seriously, and yes, I am THAT old).
This is totally stupid. WTF? Envy much? MOST of us ate Top Ramen in our youth; so what? MOST of us lived in shared small apartments, too.
And if you think your employees are slackers not doing their job, then hey, guess what? It is YOUR JOB as the boss to evaluate them in the approrpriate way & encourage them to do better. If they continue to be poor workers, then you can fire them, but only via legal means.
Like duh. This is so stupid on so many levels but very typical of self-righteous, whining right wing greedy shites who think we ALL OWE them for breathing in our vicinty.
What an asshole this guy is.
I really wish we lived in a world where hard work led to success and laziness led to failure, where everyone who had a Mercedes in the driveway had earned it.
But we don't. I've worked for half a dozen small businesses in my lifetime, seen countless others in operation, and I am totally convinced that success is more a function of luck than hard work, brains, or determination. Sure, if you have all three qualities you're in a better position to succeed if luck comes your way, but honestly, I've seen people bust their ass and sacrifice everything and work long days for years and lose it all in the end. I've also seen awfully-run dishonest companies make money hand over fist by just being in the right place at the right time with the right product.
And let's not forget the venom he has for his workers, who he feels owes him more than their 8 hours a day. He wants their slobbering gratitude for keeping them employed. Uh, no, here's how it works business owner: employees give you a third of their day and should be doing what they can to make you rich and successful, and you in turn agree to pay them for their time, even if things don't go as well as you thought. They come for the stability, you gamble on success. The economy needs both sides.
Not everyone can be a business owner. You need employees as much as they need you. And don't look down on people who choose the employee path. Some of us want to start families and put kids through college and feel it would be downright *irresponsible* of us to bet our family's future on our own business, when the survival statistics are so grim.
And for the love of god, don't give me that "if I have extra money I'll hire extra people and buy more equipment line". If you could expand your bottom line with more people or more stuff *you would have already done it*, you would have taken out a loan or done whatever you needed to do if there was actually money to be made by it. That's the beauty of capitalism: I can trust that you are already doing whatever you can to make money. If you didn't have to pay taxes, you would more likely keep the money. You're in a position to retire to another country, so you've already socked away plenty of cash.
That's why, when the government is trying to stimulate the economy, they give money to people at the bottom, because they will spend it immediately. People who already have money will just put it into the pile they already have. Sure, we need investors, but when the economy is bad, we REALLY need spenders.
Oh, us lowly employees aren't strangers to sacrifice, either. Some of us have rented small rooms and put ourselves through school and taken crap jobs when that was all we could get. And guess what? You're not our first employer. You have this twisted fantasy of destroying us and the country by leaving, but in reality, both your employees and the nation as a whole would shrug and move on. After all, someone else will just swoop in and snatch up your customers.
It's all so stupid. As if the workers should somehow be living in hovels & wearing sackcloth & ashes & goveling at the BOSS's feet or something, tugging their forelocks and saying: Yes, massah, two bags full, massah...
What? If this idiot didn't have employees in his "alleged" company, then he would have to do all the work, himself. Should his so-called "employees" pay the boss for the privilege of working for HIM (I'm sure he'd like that).
Good luck. As one post said, a lot of owning/running a business is based on luck, being in the right place at the right time, and so on.
If you're a good business owner, you'll RESPECT your employees, treat them well, and it's MORE LIKELY that they'll be highly productive and make your business be more successful.
If your workers as such allegedly crappy workers, maybe it's b/c of your stupid attitude.
And really, why are you entitled to sit in judgement on other people's life styles? Once again ye olde moldy "welfare queen" blame game is trotted out as showing how much this troglodyte is being "ripped off."
But junk like this has been circulating for ages. I don't think it's real; it just shows the sanctimonious attitude of entitlement that these country club ReTHUGlicans have these days. We should all bow & scrape and toss coins at them as pass by.
and then go back to eating grass outside of our serf hovels...
Dear Boss,
Thank you so much for your benign tolerance of those of us whom you deign to employ. You honor us with your magnificence. It is an honor to actually be paid to work for you when I would pay you to work here. It is only through the benevolence of selfless Capitalists like yourself that this country even exists.
If the government increases your taxes, I would gladly pay them for you if I could. But, if you choose to fire me because of that, that's ok too. It would be an honor to be fired by you.
But, I would be sad, because if I couldn't work for you, then no one should be able to work for you. I might have to kill myself with the sadness. Or both of us. (I'll let you know at a later date.) But, know that in so doing, it would be an honor to be your disgruntled former employee.
Best,
Anonymous worker.
I think he's the guy who makes "foam fingers" and "cheesehead" hats for sports venues.
Be sure you don't drink anything from his coffe. It's probably got three different kinds of piss in it.
Dear Boss,
I did not see your large home because of the Christmas party, I saw it while I was sleeping with your wife.
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