Subject: FW: Do You Get The Point, Pal?
As the holidays dim from view in our rear view mirrors, my heartfelt appreciation goes out
to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
And, I don't use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I won't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I don't go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I won't answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
And, I never eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program .
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
Have a wonderful day....
PS ~ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with a low IQ and insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
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2 comments:
"A South American scientist from Argentina" - ha! Too good (says this American reader from the U.S. of A.).
Don't be so cynical. I decided to read and respond to every email I received for one week. My penis is now 14" long, I re-financed my house twelve times in 5 days and now have a .002% mortgage, and a very nice lady from Nigeria deposited $68 million in my bank account. Life is good.
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