Fw: Biker justice!

Too bad this doesn’t occur more often!

 Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong." The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanting to use leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen Van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation; however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous,"said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail.

"That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.


Anonymous said...

Yes, I'm sure that really happened. Just like it was described. Every detail.

Sad thing is that some people actually think that behavior like this would be justified or even praiseworthly.

ferschitz said...

"Glossy News is an accredited online satirical publication and a contributing member of HumorFeed."


The photo clearly looks like an art installation of some sort.

The dead giveaway is the notion that some Hell's Angels would call some PETA protestor 'La Trene.'

Geez, this rightwing thinktank is full of LAZY slackers who are just phoning it in.

OTOH, there IS some "poetic justice" in how a rightwing thinktank can push out a CLEARLY satiric piece, and conservatards'll get their panties inn a reliable bunch about how teh horrid LIEbrul PETA protestors got their comeuppance from a buncha nasty, but French-speaking !!!), bikers. And ya know: w00t, what a WIN for conservatives everywhere!

and no, this RWF isn't meant to be "humor;" it's meant to be taken seriously. It's waaaaaay too subtle for most conservatives otherwise.

Thx 4 Fish said...

My friend Riley loves to forward this kind of thing ... he also whines frequently that "kids today have no respect for adults," Probably because they have emotionally retarded parents just like Riley.

Anonymous said...

Even a child understands what it says about your point when you have to make things up to prove it?

gruaud said...

The Onion is funnier.

Anonymous said...

I can't be 100% sure, but I'm pretty confident this picture was taken at a spot near the entrance to UCSD's main library. If so, that tree is actually a fake sculpture of a tree which is called the "Quiet tree" (a companion to the "Singing Tree" elsewhere on campus, through which you can hear the rehearsals of the music department.)

My guess is that this picture was part of either a prank, student protest or guerrilla art installation. There are very few Hells Angels in and around the UCSD campus, which is also nowhere near Pennsylvania.

This "satire", btw, is just fucking awful. Sounds like something a 12 year old who had never even heard of the onion might write as a lame attempt at humor.

Hooray4US said...

Satire is dull, but satire is what it is. Sad to say, some rightwing thinktank sent this out to dullards who'll believe it and think that the "liberals" got "what they had coming." Neat.

Jacquie said...

There's something just so unbecoming about gleefully salivating over these types of revenge fantasies. Confidential to wingnuts: your desire to give golden showers to Mean Liberals says way more about you than it does about us.

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