June 09, 2011 2:20 PM

Never heard it put quite like this before:


The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect. The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENTfrom the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!


P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!

Because He Lives!
           Ecclesiates 10:2 (NIV)


Anonymous said...

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect

Gotta call bullshit on this. The manufacturer is most definitely at fault for flaws in his products. Especially when this supposed maker is supposedly omnicient and all powerful. When you have those things going for you, you aren't allowed any excuses for shoddy worksmanship.

Anonymous said...

The first commenter nailed it. This forward is truly a gift for non-believers. They couldn't have made our point for us any better if they tried.

gruaud said...

I was talking about the concept of "original" sin with a friend just yesterday as we were strolling in a large garden (oh, irony!).

Doesn't matter if you live a virtuous, perfect life. You still go to Hell.

What kind of creator demands such attention? He's perfect and self-assured. Why be worshipped? Why not just love your creation without condition?

Mr_Creosote said...

What a load of crap. Anybody who substitutes an abstraction such as religion for any concrete action is in no way in control of his/her faculties.

You fundies are nuckin' futz!

LiberalGunner said...

When are they leaving?

As Gandhi said " I like your Christianity I do not like your Christians."

ferschitz said...

This kind of dumbitude does Christians no favors. As some have commented, it's just a "gift" to the non-believers out there.

State your beliefs firmly but with much less idiocy than this stupidly stated screed which is pretty meaningless insofar as I'm concerned.

Try again! And put a little intellectual rigor into it. You know: USE the brain that the divine being GAVE you (if that's your belief system)... rather than behaving like the village idiot.

Thx 4 Fish said...

I was listening to a minister ask recently "Why don't people (who aren't already here) want to go to church?" He got a lot of answers, though not the one that is illustrated here: That there is no one-size-fits-all with religion. The kind of smarmy silliness of this email is a real turn off to those who prefer to use their brains when contemplating life, the universe and everything. Traditional religions are designed to serve a simpler folk and offer little for the modern thinker.

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