Fwd: Texas Declares War on the USA

Texas Declares War on the USA
                                                ONLY IN TEXAS ????

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama " a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at the Joes Crab Shack, Houston Texas ,  I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on ya!"  
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !  
How big is your army ?"  
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold , my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from  Hooters. That makes eight!"   Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."  
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"  
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.  
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."  
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."  
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."  
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harolds's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"  
Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.  My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"  
"Oh Lord," said Archie, "l'll have at call you back."  
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."  
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"  

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed two million prisoners.."


Anonymous said...

Wokka Wokka!!!

Good God is this terrible. Unfunny, egotistical, and just downright bad.

Hey Texas: you already declared war against the US. We kicked your ass and then were kind enough to let you become a state again. Get over it.

And do the people of Texas really think so little of our brave men and women in uniform that the whole armed forces could be defeated by a dozen yokels on a tractor? Talk about disrespect for our military.

CharlieE said...

Talk about disrespect for our military.

Particularly disrespectful given how many military bases are in Texas.

ferschitz said...

If I waste even 2 min of my valuable time reading dreck like this, it is 2 min that I will never get back. Hence: no readie the postie. I'm sure it's as dull and dumb as the first sentence is.


Rightwing humor FAIL.

Anonymous said...

So much for "Remember the Alamo."

Marc with a C said...

"My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites."

Dose it have: (Sean Connery 007 accent ON) a sheperate tank, for sharksh no lesh?

gruaud said...

Jeepers, Texas, we surrender!

Please feel free to secede and form your own, awesome country.

And take Arizona with you.

Anonymous said...

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

katz said...

New rule:

Anyone who talks about secession or declaring war on another part of the country is banned from talking about patriotism ever again.

Zeno said...

The funny part is that the Texans who forward this probably think it's clever and amusing. Now that's funny!

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