FW: Sneaking across the border into Canada

> Subject: Sneaking across the border into Canada

> From The Manitoba Herald

>               The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
>               Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

>               "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
>               In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."

>               Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.
>               "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>               When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

>               In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

>               Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

>               In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada , Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

>               A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.

>               Edward R. Murrow


Thx 4 Fish said...

This one had some funny if heavily sterotyped bits- though why liberala would leave the country when there is a dem president ?? And, of course you know RWers love the idea of re-education camps, in this case they would turn everyone into simpleminded slobs, I guess

The quote about sheep makes me wonder at average americans who think low taxes on the ultra rich are somehow good for them too. Why abolishing social security, the epa, fda, dept of education, which protect the nonwealthy from poverty, poisoned air, water and food, and illiteracy are also good for the average person? Why they think that most individuals are lazy and looking for handouts, but corporations all operate as good citizens just trying to make an honest living? Those who hold to beliefs that would not benefit themselves, but would benefit the ultra rich may want to look in the mirror and ask themselves what they mean by the word "sheep."

Anonymous said...

I can't recall seeing this before, but I'm willing to bet that this was written post 2004 election, and its been "updated" with a few tweaks.

ferschitz said...

Can't locate it but also believe this came out when Bush was elected in 2004. Originally written as a leftwing lament re Bush, now somehow usurped as rightwing "humor"??? Fail.

The ending quote by Edward R. Murrow is directed at conservatives, not liberals.


gruaud said...

Trust me, dingbat conservatives:

Liberals are not worried about teabaggers.
We think they're the best thing to happen to
the GOP since Nixon resigned.

Oh, and love the Edward R. Murrow quote.

You don't have any idea who he is, do you?

Anonymous said...

I give them half credit for the crack about Perry Como and Welk's accordian credit. But, minus 10 points for not realizing that it isn't funny that people actually do go to Canada for better and cheaper health care.

Thomas said...

So many stereotypes packed in there. It's definitely recycled, since a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert would be impossible, since the wonderful Mary Travers passed away. BTW... Myron Floren was Lawrence Welk's accordion player.

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