Fw: Headlines 2029


Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactiv ity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica
. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.


Erin said...

Pffft. Massachusetts wouldn't execute a conservative. We just drive them away to New Hampshire.

SJT said...

Most of these are lame, but some of these are actually kind of funny. Not many, but a few. Its almost like this is what conservatives think liberals think about conservatives.

But what's with the "woman with her mouth closed thing"? Is our future filled with women who actually have the audacity to *gasp* speak? Woe is us!

Anonymous said...

"Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative."

Please someone beam me to the future.

Matto the Hun said...

As if we did not know how incredibly obtuse right wing idiots are already, they have to underscore it with nonsensical exaggerations.

This only highlights the credo of wing-nuts that revel in this sort of drivel... "Ignorant and proud of it!"

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