1. You grow poppeys and refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
You may be a Muslim
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher and ammo, but you can't afford shoes.
You
may be a Muslim
3. You have more wives than teeth.
You may be a Muslim
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon and pork unclean.
You may be a Muslim
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You may be a Muslim
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a Muslim
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You may be a Muslim
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You may be a Muslim
10. Your cousin is president of the United States .
You may be a Muslim
11. You find this offensive or racist and won't forward it.
You probably are a Muslim
3. You have more wives than teeth.
You may be a Muslim
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon and pork unclean.
You may be a Muslim
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You may be a Muslim
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a Muslim
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You may be a Muslim
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You may be a Muslim
10. Your cousin is president of the United States .
You may be a Muslim
11. You find this offensive or racist and won't forward it.
You probably are a Muslim
You
Have a Nice Day Now...You Hear?
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8 comments:
Not Jeff Foxworthy. As if you needed to ask.
And, of course, not funny or even remotely witty. You might be a RWD if....
You ARE a rightwing douchebag if you think this is funny, and if you choose to "attribute" it to Jeff Foxworthy.
Look up "attribute" bc you probably also don't know what that means.
1. You grow poppeys and refine heroin for a living, but you typically obey USA liquor licensing laws.
You may be the CIA.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher and ammo, but you can't afford shoes.
You may be rednecked Tea Bagger who whines incessantly about the 2d Amendment without really knowing what it means.
3. You have more (ex)wives than teeth.
You may be Rush Limbaugh and/or Newt Gingrich, and you're likely to have been cheating on all of your ex & present wives either with other, younger, women or Haitian rent-boys.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon and pork to be the only major food group.
You may be a red-necked Ditto-headed Tea Bagger who loves to whine about how Michelle Obama's healthy eating programs are simply ruining your perfect, but petulant, lily white lives.
5. You think vests come in two styles: adult & child sized bullet-proof.
You may be a rightwing douchebag heavily brainwashed by the NRA to overspend your "wads" on Guns & Ammo that you don't need because the "N" word in YOUR White House is gunna "steal yer gunz for sure!!!111!!!"
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against, especially if they're: a) teh gheyz, b) teh wimminz, c) teh minorities, and most especially d) teh poorz.
You may be a rightwing, fanatical "Christiany" type.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a rightwing gun-toting NRA-brainwashed fanatical red neck with more guns & bullets than anything remotely resembling "common sense."
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones might be routinely tapped by "your" US gumint.
You may be a know-nothing conservative who believes that the Patriot Act & FISA "made you safer from terrrissss!!!111!!!"
9. You have nothing against women and think that if they are not "inviting rape," then they won't get pregnant. If they invited the rape, then any resulting children are just "God's gift" to them, and they should be grateful forever for being so "blessed." Of course, the men who the putative "raping" are absolved from any responsibility, much less any criminal charges, cuz we all know that slutty slut whores are all asking for it anyway, and they like it that way.
You may be a hypocritical sexist cretin rightwing douchebag male, possibly a "preacher" of a Mega Church earning a huge income annually from your "flock" and/or a rightwing douchebag politician.
10. Your cousin is not now, nor ever will be, president of the United States.
You may be an inbred conservative red neck married to your cousin.
11. You find this offensive or racist and won't forward it.
You probably are a brainwashed victimized white (usually male, but not always) conservative who routinely whines & complains about how horrible "liberals" have no sense of humor.
The original version of this joke is pretty funny.
This version of this joke consists of swapping out "Taliban" for "Muslim," and adding the last two unfunny bits to it.
True story.
Each one of these idiotic forwards is another nail into your coffin of belligerent, extremist irrelevance.
We are going to blast you in 2014. The Rethugs will lose ground in the House and the Senate. And a Democrat will win the Executive for the third straight term in 2016.
Bank on it; I haven't been wrong yet, have I?
I thought it too clever for Jeff Foxworthy.
Two Words
Bible Challenge
Just as tedious as his actual act.
Poor guy he has one joke and it's never been a very good joke. The GOP represents selfishness as a desired virtue ... If someone did a routine like that based on extremist right wing Christians ooooooooo the whining and crying we would hear!
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