Sent: Friday, January 29, 2010 7:31 PM

MEMO FROM THE SECURITY OFFICES-- The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was thought to be precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
However, it's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides Now".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all terribly excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


ferschitz said...

Actually this is a relief after that last horrendous post, and I had a chuckle at it. This is older; I've seen variations on it before. Just amazed that a wingnut actually knew about all of these EU countries.

Marc with a C said...

Was this, perchance, written by John Cleese?

Since he seems to "write" all the other funny wingnuttia stuff that supposedly comes from Europe.

Anonymous said...

The United States has announced that it's raised its threat level from 'frenzied bedwetting' to 'let's bomb the shit out of some brown people'.

Anonymous said...

I may send this to my RW friends, so they can see what humor looks like.

ferschitz said...

I think Marc might be right, and that it's written by some Monty Python type. But BTW John Cleese tends to be more leftie than rightie, so if that's true... har de har... rightwingers are getting a laugh at leftie humor.

No wonder it's funny!!

Marc with a C said...

It was a joke. It's like everything that the right wing ascribes to English people that they agree with comes form John Cleese.

almoderate said...

Why must they always overlook the Kiwi military forces?

(Yeah, the Kiwis are probably the only ones who will get that.)

Anonymous said...


I'm not a right wing nut by a long shot but I damn near pissed myself reading this. Bravo!

Creative Commons License
MyRightWingDad.net is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.