Thank you Andy for sending this, a resignation speech by George W. Bush. Let me just write that again.. ahem... A RESIGNATION speech from George W. Bush. Ahh. Is that as fun to read as it is to type? This email is a variation of an older entry, only with a nice intro and illustrative pictures of our chief executive. I must say, his speeches are much more impressive without actually hearing the delivery.
The following "speech" was written recently by an ordinary resident of the People's Republic of Maine. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is by a person who does not write for a living.The speech George W. Bush might give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans."
Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who
more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has
happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution
or something, let me assure you: There's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really
going on in the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great
nation of ours. And the majority of you are too blasted lazy to
do your homework and figure it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians
and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think
the economy is in the tank. And that's despite record numbers
of homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY
homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point
out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but it
doesn't seem to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market
has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever
are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do
is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too darn stupid
to realize that gas prices are high because there's increased
demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful
of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront
property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for
oil" thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already
seized Iraq's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell.
And don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' mess either.
If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could've easily had
chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.'
Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam
had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime
change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office.
Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you didn't
know that, did you? Now you morons are considering another and
more evil Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that one!! She wants
to take your kids away and let the "Whole Village" raise them!
i.e. governmental indoctrination..... Look this one up you dummies!
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy.
Back during the cold war, there were two major competing
political and economic models squaring off. We won that war,
but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted
to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend
and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new
enemy don't care if they survive. In fact, they want to die.
That'd be fine, as long as they weren't also committed to
taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are.
They want to kill you, and the rascals are all over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us
here in the United States since September 11. But you're not.
That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of
intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security
people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess
started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight.
I'm disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult
fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing
things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do.
You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help
the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every
time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political
campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade
launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's
all over the Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New
York Times USA Today or on NBC News. But even if it
were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you would
rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government
will always be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to
leave a city that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your insane belief that government,
not your own wallet, is where the money comes from. But I've
come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to
be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford
before I got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much
no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to
die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi
is your new President. You asked for it. Watch what she does
carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are
just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this
thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America.
Some of you know what I mean.
The rest of you, kiss off.