Fwd: FW: The Christmas pageant

Subject: Fwd: FW: The Christmas pageant
Date: Sunday, December 16, 2012, 8:06 PM

My husband and I had been happily
married (most of the time)
for five years
but hadn't been blessed with a baby.

I decided to do some serious
praying and promised God
that if he would give us a  child,
I would be a perfect mother,
love it with  all my heart
and raise it with His word
as my guide.

God answered my prayers
and blessed us with a son.

The next year God blessed us
with another son.

The following year,
He blessed us with
yet another son.

The year after that we
were blessed with a daughter.

My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old.

I learned never to ask God
for anything unless I meant it
As a minister once told me,
"If you pray for rain,
make sure you carry an umbrella."

I began reading a few verses
of the Bible to the children
each day as they lay in their cribs..

I was off to a good start.
God had entrusted me
with four children and
I didn't want to disappoint Him.

I tried to be patient the day
the children smashed
two dozen eggs on
the kitchen floor searching
for baby chicks.

I tried to be understanding...
when they started a hotel for
homeless frogs in the spare bedroom,
although it took me nearly two hours
to catch all twenty-three frogs. 

When my daughter poured
ketchup all over herself and
rolled up in a blanket to see
how it felt to be a hot dog,
I tried to see the humor
rather than the mess..

In spite of changing over
twenty-five thousand diapers,
never eating a hot meal
and never sleeping for more
than thirty minutes at a time,
I still thank God daily for my children.

While I couldn't keep my promise
to be a perfect mother -
I didn't even come close...
I did keep my promise
to raise them in the Word of God.

I knew I was missing the mark
just a little when I told
my daughter we were going
to church to worship God,
and she wanted to bring
a bar of soap along to
"wash up" Jesus, too.

Something was lost
in the translation when
I explained that
God gave us everlasting life,
and my son thought it was
generous of God to give
us his "last wife."

My proudest moment came
during the children's
Christmas pageant.

My daughter was playing Mary,
two of my sons were shepherds
and my youngest son was a wise man.
This was their moment to shine.

My five-year-old shepherd
had practiced his line,
"We found the babe wrapped
in swaddling clothes."

But he was nervous and said,
"The baby was wrapped
in wrinkled clothes."

My four-year-old "Mary" said,
"That's not 'wrinkled clothes,' silly.
That's dirty, rotten clothes."

A wrestling match broke out
between Mary and the shepherd
and was stopped by an angel,
who bent her halo and lost
her left wing.

I slouched a little lower
in my seat when Mary
dropped the doll representing
Baby Jesus, and it bounced
down the aisle crying,

Mary grabbed the doll,
wrapped it back up
and held it tightly as
the wise men arrived.

My other son stepped forward
wearing a bathrobe
and a paper crown,
knelt at the manger
and announced,
"We are the three wise men,
and we are bringing gifts
of gold,
common sense
  and fur."

The congregation
dissolved into laughter,
and the pageant
got a standing ovation.

"I've never enjoyed a Christmas
program as much as this one,"
laughed the pastor,
wiping tears from his eyes

"For the rest of my life,
I'll never hear the
Christmas story without
thinking of
common sense
and fur."

"My children are my pride
and my joy and my greatest
blessing," I said as I dug
through my purse for an aspirin.

Jesus had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree,
yet they called Him Teacher .

Had no medicines,
yet they called Him Healer.

Had no army,
yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles,
yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb,
yet He lives today.

Feel honored
to serve such a Leader
who loves us. 

If you believe in
God and in Jesus Christ His Son,
send this to all on your buddy list. 


Anonymous said...

I think I may have developed diabetes and tooth decay just from reading that.

Marc with a C said...

"My husband thought we'd
been blessed right into poverty.
We now had four children,
and the oldest was only
four years old."

Too bad you weren't blessed with a family planning center, either.

Anonymous said...

This made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Mr_Creosote said...

Ugghhh! Though I believe I have a good many more years of living and reading left, I believe this has to be the absolute most cloyingly corny religious forward I've ever read.

What kind of stepford fundie could take this at face value? Hell, this would make a mainstream evangelical blush and facepalm themselves.

Gotta go and swish some flouridated mouthwash around in my mouth now....

T. Laurel Sulfate said...

Lady, you asked for ONE kid and "god gave you" four. So the moral of that story isn't "If you pray for rain, carry an umbrella." It's "If you pray for rain, expect a torrential down pour and flash flooding."

Hooray4US said...

Apparently this is meant to "appeal" to all those fundies who are ever so opposed to teh wimminz having coverage for birth control via their work health insurance plans.

And yet these are also the very same self-righteous fundies who hate hate hate teh poorz bc Baby Jeebus frowns on stinky poorz and says not to give 'em Food Stamps 'n such cuz it makes 'em lazy slackers or whatever. Nevermind that they've had too many kiddies bc of no brith contol, no access to safe abortions, but then also no jobs but hooray: "God smiles upon you"... and your plight rendered upon you by nasty born agains.

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