"Howdy! .... Here's a funny one I got the other day (well, I was told it was funny), written in the super-terrific Comic Sans MS in Glorious Technicolor font, with the requisite number of insults to Democrats. Classic! When I called the person on the BS factor, he accused me of not using my sense of humor!
Can you imagine? Why didn't I just use the sense of humor? I'll remember that next time, and I'll hit myself repeatedly in the head with a mallet, just to help the humor appreciation work its magic.
Great site, I sat here reading (and commenting) until I reached the end. I feel dirty now.
I will look in my old email to see if there are any more of these gems left over, as I have not emptied the trash in a while. If I have them, I will forward."
-Mark
--begin forwarded message--
--------------------------------
The President has said that American lives will be sacrificed if Congress does not change FISA. But he has also said that he will veto any FISA bill that does not grant retro-active immunity. No immunity, no FISA bill. So if we take the President at his word, he's willing to let Americans die to protect the phone companies.
- Sen. Edward Kennedy
Subject: The Ant and the Grasshopper (two versions)
TRADITIONAL VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conferenc e and
demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody
cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray t! o God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with
Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to
make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer! The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by
the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel
of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-
parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he
doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2008
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1 comments:
I got this forward (an old version, set up for the last presidential election) from a friend when I was in high school. I sent her a polite response as to why she needed to be suspect of forwards such as this one, and figured that would be the end of it.
Unfortunately, her very conservative and (I suspect) slightly crazy father saw what I'd written and wrote this ALL CAPS DIATRIBE back to me about why I was full of shit, including accusations that John Kerry married his evil wife for her money and even suggesting that she had killed her last husband.
It was... special.
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