FW: Cops can be witty



The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

The envelope please...

AND THE WINNER IS. .

#1. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."


------ End of Forwarded Message

I need your help! -Mike


After rifling through months of conservative forwards buried deep inside my subconscious (gmail archives), I have an announcement: My right-wing reserves are running low! I am nearly out of the sacred jokes and wise words sent to me from the right.
If you are demented enough to enjoy this collective project, please help. Send in your dad's nut-job forwards with any thoughts you'd like to preface to myrightwingdad@gmail.com. I will proudly post any new material your dad (aunt, workmate, brother-in-law) lovingly forwarded you. Let's see how deep we can dive into the red sea of "Truth!"

-Mike

FW: This should make your blood boil.

This should make your blood boil......

THE AMERICAN FLAG COMES SECOND

You will not see this heart-stopping photo on the front page of the NY Times or on the lead story of the major news networks.

But you should.

Student protest in Whittier area students from Pioneer, California and Whittier high schools walked out of classes to protest the proposed federal immigration bill . The protestors put up the Mexican flag over the American flag flying upside down at Montebello High.

(Leo Jarzomb/Staff photo)

More:

Meanwhile: Mexico Cheers Passage of Immigration Bill

Like I said: Welcome to reconquista.

I predict this stunt will be the nail in the coffin of any guest-worker/amnesty plan on the table in Washington. This image of the American flag subsumed to another and turned upside down on American soil is already spreading on Internet forums and via e-mail. Pass this along to every American citizen in your address books and to every representative in the state and federal government. If you choose to remain uninvolved do not be amazed when you no longer have a nation to call your own nor anything you have worked for left since it will be "redistributed" to the activists while you are so peacefully staying out of the "fray". Check history, it is full of nations/empires that disappeared when its citizens no longer held their core beliefs and values. One person CAN make a difference. One plus one plus one plus one plus one plus one.........

KEEP THIS GOING !!!!!!!!!!


FW: nothing to lose

------ Begin Forwarded Message

Subject: nothing to lose

This just might work.

GAS WAR - an idea that WILL work

This was originally sent by a retired Coca Cola executive. It came from one of his engineer buddies who retired from Halliburton. It's worthy of your consideration.

Join the resistance! I hear we are going to hit close to $4.00 a gallon by summer and it might possibly go higher! Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth offered this good idea.

This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around earlier! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on and join with us! By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $2.79 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50 - $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place ..... not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of 2007, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do! Now, don't wimp out at this point.... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people.

I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3D 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million get excited and p ass th is on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all. (If you don't understand how we can reach 300 million and all you have to do is send this to 10 people.... Well, let's face it, you just aren't a mathematician. But I am, so trust me on this one.)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this e-mail out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you?

Acting together we c an make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on. I suggest that we not buy from EXXON/MOBIL UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE $1.30 RANGE AND KEEP

them down.

Fwd: Ann Margaret

Subject: Fwd: Ann Margaret

When Tom Jones sang the song "She's A Lady" he had to be describing..

Ann Margaret
This is a good counter balance story to the Jane Fonda " Vietnam " Woman Of The Year story I have received many times in my e-mail.




Viet Nam 1966


Richard, (my husband), never really talked a lot about his time in Viet Nam other than he had been shot by a sniper. However, he had a rather grainy, 8 x 10 black and white photo he had taken at a USO show of Ann Margaret with Bob Hope in the background that was one of his treasures.


A few years ago, Ann Margaret was doing a book signing! at a local bookstore. Richard wanted to see if he could get her to sign the treasured photo so he arrived at the bookstore at 12 o'clock for the 7:30 signing.
When I got there after work, the line went all the way around the bookstore, circled the parking lot and disappeared behind a parking garage. Before her appearance, bookstore employees announced that she would sign only her book and no memorabilia would be permitted.




Richard was disappointed, but wanted to show her the photo and let her know how much those shows meant to lonely GI's so far from home. Ann Margaret came out looking as beautiful as ever and, as second in line, it was soon Richard's turn.

He presented the book for her signature and then took out the photo. When he did, there were many shouts from the employees that she would not sign it. Richard said, "I understand. I just wanted her to see it." She took one look at the photo, tears welled up in her eyes and she said, "This is one of my gentlemen from Viet Nam and I most certainly will sign his photo. I know what these men did for their country and I always have time for 'my gentlemen.'"





With that, she pulled Richard across the table and planted a big kiss on him. She then made quite a to-do about the bravery of the young men she met over the years, how much she admired them, and how much she appreciated them. There weren't too many dry eyes among those close enough to hear. She then posed for pictures and acted as if he were the only one there.

Later at dinner, Richard was very quiet. When I asked if he'd like to talk about it, my big strong husband broke down in tears. "That's the first time anyone ever thanked me for my time in the Army," he said.

That night was a turning point for him. He walked a little straighter and, for the first time in years, was proud to have been a Vet. I'll never forget Ann Margaret for her graciousness and how much that small act of kindness meant to my husband.

I now make it a point to say "Thank you" to every person I come across who served in our Armed Forces. Freedom does not come cheap and I am grateful for all those who have served their country.


If you'd like to pass on this story, feel free to do so. Perhaps it will help others to become aware of how important it is to acknowledge the contribution our service people make.






Don't be too busy today...Share this inspiring message with friends and family.

On behalf of those who DO appreciate all that you did for us, thank you to each of you who receive this message who have served or are serving our country in the armed services or any other service.



4 Basics by George Carlin


COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where
she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their
stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering
around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.


CONSTITUTION


They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it's worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS


The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery",
and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and
politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!




And last but not least...


George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. "Boy, I feel a lot safer
now that she's behind bars. ! O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still
walking around; Osama bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America
willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to
jail.

FW:Historical Significance (A Must Read)

------ Begin Forwarded Message
Historical Significance

This is an EXCELLENT essay, well thought out and presented.
Historical Significance

Sixty-three years ago, Nazi Germany had overrun almost all of Europe
and hammered England to the verge of bankruptcy and defeat, and had sunk
more than four hundred British ships in their convoys between England and
America for food and war materials.
At that time the US was in an isolationist, pacifist mood, and most
Americans wanted nothing to do with the European or the Asian war.

Then along came Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and in outrage
Congress unanimously declared war on Japan, and the following day on Germany,
which had not yet attacked us. It was a dicey thing. We had few allies.
France was not an ally, as the Vichy government of France quickly
aligned itself with its German occupiers. Germany was certainly not an ally,
as Hitler was intent on setting up a Thousand Year Reich in Europe. Japan
was not an ally, as it was well on its way to owning and controlling all of
Asia. Together, Japan and Germany had long-range plans of invading Canada and
Mexico, as launching pads to get into the United States over our
northern and southern borders, after they finished gaining control of Asia and
Europe. America's only allies then were England, Ireland, Scotland,
Canada, Australia, and Russia. That was about it. All of Europe, from Norway
to Italy, except Russia in the East, was already under the Nazi heel.

America was certainly not prepared for war. America had drastically
downgraded most of its military forces after W.W.I and throughout the
depression, so that at the outbreak of WW2, army units were training
with broomsticks because they didn't have guns, and cars with "tank" painted
on the doors because they didn't have real tanks. And a huge chunk of our
navy had just been sunk or damaged at Pearl Harbor.

Britain had already gone bankrupt, saved only by the donation of $600
million in gold bullion in the Bank of England, that was actually the
property of Belgium, given by Belgium to England to carry on the war
when Belgium was overrun by Hitler (a little known fact).
Actually, Belgium surrendered on one day, because it was unable to
oppose the German invasion, and the Germans bombed Brussels into rubble the
next day just to prove they could. Britain had already been holding out for
two years in the face of staggering slipping losses and the near-decimation
of its air force in the Battle of Britain, and was saved from being
overrun by Germany only because Hitler made the mistake of thinking the Brits were
a relatively minor threat that could be dealt with later, and first
turning his attention to Russia, at a time when England was on the verge of
collapse, in the late summer of 1940.

Ironically, Russia saved America's butt by putting up a desperate fight
for two years, until the US got geared up to begin hammering away at
Germany.

Russia lost something like 24 million people in the sieges of
Stalingrad and Moscow alone... 90% of them from cold and starvation, mostly civilians,
but also more than a MILLION soldiers.

Had Russia surrendered, Hitler would have been able to focus his entire
war effort against the Brits, then America. And the Nazis could possibly
have won the war.

All of this is to illustrate that turning points in history are often
dicey things. And now, we find ourselves at another one of those key
moments in history.

There is a very dangerous minority in Islam that either has, or wants
and may soon have, the ability to deliver small nuclear, biological, or
chemical weapons, almost anywhere in the world.

The Jihadis, the militant Muslims, are basically Nazis in Kaffiyahs --
they believe that Islam, a radically conservative form of Wahhabi Islam,
should own and control the Middle East first, then Europe, then the world. And
that all who do not bow to their will of thinking should be killed,
enslaved, or subjugated. They want to finish the Holocaust, destroy Israel, and purge the world of Jews. This is their mantra.

There is also a civil war raging in the Middle East -- for the most
part not a hot war, but a war of ideas.
Islam is having its Inquisition and its Reformation, but it is not
known yet which will win -- the Inquisitors, or the Reformationists.

If the Inquisition wins, then the Wahhabis, the Jihadis, will control
the Middle East, the OPEC oil, and the US, European, and Asian economies.
The techno-industrial economies will be at the mercy of OPEC -- not an OPEC
dominated by the educated, rational Saudis of today, but an OPEC
dominated by the Jihadis. You want gas in your car? You want heating oil next
winter? You want the dollar to be worth anything? You better hope the Jihad,
the Muslim Inquisition, loses, and the Islamic Reformation wins.

If the Reformation movement wins, that is, the moderate Muslims who
believe that Islam can respect and tolerate other religions, and live in peace
with the rest of the world, and move out of the 10th century into the 21st,
then the troubles in the Middle East will eventually fade away, and a
moderate and prosperous Middle East will emerge.

We have to help the Reformation win, and to do that we have to fight
the Inquisition, i.e., the Wahhabi movement, the Jihad, Al Qaeda and the
Islamic terrorist movements. We have to do it somewhere. And we can't do it
everywhere at once. We have created a focal point for the battle at a
time and place of our choosing........in Iraq.

Not in New York, not in London, or Paris or Berlin, but in Iraq, where
we are doing two important things.

(1) We deposed Saddam Hussein. Whether Saddam Hussein was directly
involved in 9/11 or not, it is undisputed that Saddam has been actively
supporting the terrorist movement for decades. Saddam is a terrorist.

Saddam is, or was, a weapon of mass destruction, who is responsible for
the deaths of probably more than a million Iraqis and two million Iranians.

(2) We created a battle, a confrontation, a flash point, with Islamic
terrorism in Iraq. We have focused the battle. We are killing bad
people, and the ones we get there we won't have to get here. We also have a
good shot at creating a democratic, peaceful Iraq, which will be a catalyst
for democratic change in the rest of the Middle East, and an outpost for a
stabilizing American military presence in the Middle East for as long
as it is needed.

World War II, the war with the German and Japanese Nazis, really began
with a "whimper" in 1928. It did not begin with Pearl Harbor. It began
with the Japanese invasion of China. It was a war for fourteen years before
America joined it. It officially ended in 1945 -- a 17 year war -- and was
followed by another decade of US occupation in Germany and Japan to get those
countries reconstructed and running on their own again .. a 27 year war.

World War II cost the United States an amount equal to approximately a
full year's GDP -- adjusted for inflation, equal to about $12 trillion
dollars. W.W.II cost America more than 400,000 killed in action, and nearly
100,000 still missing in action.

The Iraq war has, so far, cost the US about $160 billion,which is
roughly what 9/11 cost New York. It has also cost about 2,200 American lives,
which is roughly 2/3 of the 3,000 lives that the Jihad snuffed on 9/11. But
the cost of not fighting and winning W.W.II would have been unimaginably
greater -- a world dominated by German and Japanese Nazism.

60 minute TV shows, and 2 hour movies in which everything comes out
okay. The real world is not like that. It is messy, uncertain, and sometimes
bloody and ugly. Always has been, and probably always will be.

The bottom line is that we will have to deal with Islamic terrorism
until we defeat it, whenever that is. It will not go away if we ignore it.

If the US can create a reasonably democratic and stable Iraq, then we
have an "England" in the Middle East, a platform, from which we can work to
help modernize and moderate the Middle East. The history of the world is
the clash between the forces f relative civility and civilization, and the
barbarians clamoring at the gates. The Iraq war is merely another
battle in this ancient and never-ending war.
And now, for the first time ever, the barbarians are about to get
nuclear weapons. Unless somebody prevents them.

We have four options:

1. We can defeat the Jihad now, before it gets nuclear weapons.
2. We can fight the Jihad later, after it gets nuclear weapons (which
may be as early as next year, if Iran's progress on nuclear weapons is what
Iran claims it is).

3. We can surrender to the Jihad and accept its dominance in the
Middle East, now, in Europe in the next few years or decades, and ultimately
in America.

4. Or, we can stand down now, and pick up the fight later when the
Jihad is more widespread and better armed, perhaps after the Jihad has dominated
France and Germany and maybe most of the rest of Europe. It will, of
course, be more dangerous, more expensive, and much bloodier.

If you oppose this war, I hope you like the idea that your children, or
grandchildren, may live in an Islamic America under the Mullahs and the
Sharia, an America that resembles Iran today.

The history of th world is the history of civilizational clashes,
cultural clashes. All wars are about ideas, ideas about what society and
civilization should be like, and the most determined always win.

Those who are willing to be the most ruthless always win. The
pacifists always lose, because the anti-pacifists kill them.

Remember, perspective is every thing, and America's schools teach too
little history for perspective to be clear, especially in the young American
mind.
The Cold war lasted from about 1947 at least until the Berlin Wall came
down in 1989. Forty-two years. Europe spent the first half of the 19th century fighting Napoleon, and from 1870 to 1945 fighting Germany
World War II began in 1928, lasted 17 years, plus a ten year
occupation, and the US still has troops in Germany and Japan. World War II resulted in
the death of more than 50 million people, maybe more than 100 million
people, depending on which estimates you accept.

The US has taken more than 2,000 killed in action in Iraq. The US took
more than 4,000 killed in action on the morning of June 6, 1944, the first
day of the Normandy Invasion to rid Europe of Nazi Imperialism. In W.W.II the
US averaged 2,000 KIA a week -- for four years. Most of the individual
battles o f W.W.II lost more Americans than the entire Iraq war has done so
far.

But the stakes are at least as high . A world dominated by
representative governments with civil rights, human rights, and personal freedoms ...
or a world dominated by a radical Islamic Wahhabi movement, by the Jihad,
under the Mullahs and the Sharia (Islamic law).

It's difficult to understand why the American left does not grasp this.
They favor human rights, civil rights, liberty and freedom, but evidently
not for Iraqis.
"Peace Activists" always seem to demonstrate here in America, where
it's safe.

Why don't we see Peace Activist demonstrating in Iran, Syria, Iraq,
Sudan, North Korea, in the places that really need peace activism the most?

The liberal mentality is supposed to favor human rights, civil rights,
democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc., but if the Jihad wins,
wherever the Jihad wins, it is the end of civil rights, human rights,
democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc. Americans who oppose the liberation of Iraq are coming down on the side of their own worst enemy.

Raymond S. Kraft is a writer living in Northern California. Please
consider passing along copies of this article to students in high school,
college and university as it contains information about the American past that is
very meaningful today -- history about America that very likely is
completely unknown by them (and their instructors, too). By being denied the
facts of our history, they are at a decided disadvantage when it comes to
reasoning and thinking through the issues of today. They are prime targets for
misinformation campaigns beamed at enlisting them in causes and beliefs
that are special interest agenda driven.

 
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